Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Tis the season to be graduating. My sister graduated from the 5th grade, we attended the high school graduation party of a dear friend's daughter last week, and her older brother just graduated from college. My coworker's daughter graduated from the 8th grade last week and today we graduated from our RE.

What a strange feeling it is to be deemed "normal". To go to a regular doctor like everyone else. To only have an ultrasound once a month. I'm not going to lie. I cried. A lot. I will miss the familiarity of our RE's office, the staff and the comfort that comes with being more than just a patient.

Ironically, a year ago this week (July 2 to be exact) I triggered for the very first time. It was the beginning of the end of my first failed cycle. That Clomid cycle was the reason I left my OB and went to an RE immediately. And here we are a year later going from our RE back to that OB office with two babies in tow. To say I feel blessed would be the understatement of the century.

In reality I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and emotions I haven't even begun to tap into. I thought once this day came I would be able to return to the world of normal. To chat about a pregnancy like nothing from the last two years came before it. To talk about pack and plays and due dates and delivery methods like this was a world I belong to, a new world that I was always meant to be part of.

While my body is filled with new life, my heart is still filled with heaviness. Do we ever leave the scars from our past behind, or is it those scars that make us the people we are today? For now I'm embracing the sadness and the joy. I'm praying for those who are still waiting for their baby and I'm praying for all of my friends who have been blessed that they continue to be graced with good fortune.

Oh and before I forget, today's pictures. Arms, legs, fingers and toes. Today was by far the most amazing ultrasound we've had to date. They were babies and for the first time this felt REAL. 

Both babies were right on target with their growth and their heart rates. Baby A spins in circles and dances like a wild child. Baby B is a chill kid already. We feel bad for Baby B who is literally millimeters away from Baby A, and as a result is getting kicked and punched all day long. Our next scan will be in 2-3 weeks and we'll have a guess at the gender. It won't be exact but we think we already know what we have (we think it's a boy and a girl). 

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