Yesterday

At 11DPO with a temp jump, I decided to bite the bullet and test. The faintest, shadow of a line appeared and I thought, that's strange. I brought Joe in to take a look at it and he didn't see anything, or he could see something, but said it was probably nothing and told me to wait a few days and test again. Being the dutiful wife that I am, I threw away the test, went to the gym and came home and immediately tested again. Another line, this one slightly darker than the last.

I lost it. I seriously couldn't stop crying. Joy? Relief? Happiness? I don't know, but convulsive crying filled up almost an hour of my day. I called Joe 5465678698 times and, of course, he was in a case and couldn't pick up. He finally called me 4 hours later at work and I left the office to go sit in my car. I waited 10 minutes until he finally stopped talking about his morning and then I told him. "I'm pregnant". And he just stopped talking altogether and I could tell he was crying. We emailed back and forth all day, both agreeing that the line was just too light to trust, but elated nonetheless.

This morning I woke up and tested again, sure I'd see a darker line. But I saw nothing. Not even the shadow from yesterday.

Yesterday I had two evaporation lines appear on my cheapie internet tests. And today I'm not pregnant. And all the joy has left my heart.