Wednesday, August 18, 2004


I have been so tired this week, maybe I am not used to getting up with an alarm clock anymore? I dunno. Tired though. I took a nap every day this week. Well Monday shouldn't count cause I was probably still drunk from Sunday, but why yesterday and today? Is it possible to have a 3 day hangover? I feel perky, just tired, which is an oxymoron and made no sense. No one noticed my hair cut today. I think 6 inches is a lot of hair to cut off but no one noticed. Maybe I should tape my boobs down flatter so that people will start looking at my face? Seriously what's the point of getting a hair cut and waking up early to style your hair if no one is going to gush over you and go "oooh you got a hair cut!" Maybe my hair looks like ass and no one had anything nice to say about it so they just didn't say anything at all. I like it though so F them. I met a bunch of the coaches today and all the male coaches were really nice and took the time to talk to me which is good because I have to work very closely with them all. But the female ones weren't so nice. My boss told me not to be offended because 'they are all lesbians who hate straight people'. Glad it's not just me. And he finished off his "don't worry" statement by telling me that they probably won't like me no matter what I do because of my 'perky soccer mom, go get 'em, cheerleader type personality'. Which made me wonder if he even likes me. Perky soccer mom cheerleader? Okay I guess I can deal with that. I would have liked it better if he said they probably won't like you cause your pretty. But that'll do. Why is it when you are a kid and another girl is mean to you your mom always tells you it is just because the other girl is jealous of you? Or was that just my mom. This holds true still today. I told my mom that I was upset because my 1st cousin is getting married and she didn't ask me to be in the wedding. We were best friends all through childhood and used to pretend we were twin sisters. Now granted my family moved to FL and hers lived in NJ but we were penpals and really close all the way up through college. And it's not like you can ask to be in someone's wedding you are chosen and so I was sad that she didn't think I was worthy of choosing and so my mom told me "Oh, she's just jealous of you, always has been. Probably afraid you will take attention away from her at her own wedding". Which leads me to another question -- do I steal people's thunder? I certainly don't do it on purpose and that's a pretty harsh thing to say. Anyway, back to the jealousy thing...I can't see why that would be true, and even if it was is that supposed to make me feel better. So basically she's not nice to me anymore because she doesn't like me because she's insecure. All of my life my mom has said oh, she's just jealous; oh, they're just jealous. SO I have never felt like I have real friends because everyone who's ever been mean to me has, according to my mother, always been secretly jealous. I think my mother gives me issues. Issues which require therapy. Speaking of friends, I made a new one today. Her name is Jill and she is a graduate assistant at the office with me. I like meeting new girls mainly because it is so hard to meet girls and have them be friendly, and this only gets harder with age. Unless you are the girl who is new to town and then you are glad to make friends with other people which is the nice thing about being back in school. Everyone is eager to meet new people and make friends. I hate moving so much because you never end up with friends, except one's that are far away and you can't go see a movie or have a drink with them. So anyway that is my schpeel about making friends at 24 (almost 25 now...) Jill and I did lunch at Faegan's and she seems nice. I invited her out for drinks tomorrow night, ironically I am going out with my friend Nicole and her roommate Jill. She seemed relieved to have something to do and I am relieved to have a girl in the athletic department be nice to me (see 2 paragraphs ago...) Okay Joey is home and I am going to the gym and he is probably pissed because he asked me to make him coffee and I didn't bother to do it soooo I am going to go pretend I am dead or something so he won't yell at me...too late he already saw me alive. Damn. Can't even fake sleeping now. Maybe I can just be cute enough that he won't remember...

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