Asking for Help

Hi Mommies, I need your help. Reese is struggling right now. Really struggling. Because Ryan is getting in-home services. Eight hours of each week someone comes into our home with a new bag of toys to play with Ryan and I try to distract her so that he can have therapy. And she's frustrated because she is 2.5 and doesn't understand why she isn't supposed to play too. Some of his therapists are better at including her or allowing her to play with their toys separately from the therapy. But some aren't. And really, they are here for Ryan so I get it.

With Ryan's new diagnosis, his services are increasing to 20-hours per week. Which means that I am kind of...uh, screwed. This is awesome. But will be a challenge for all of us. I need a bag of tricks, toys, methods. Something. Anything. That will help my little girl feel important. That will help her feel special. That will make her happy while he's in therapy.

So I need your best methods and advice. Suggestions for things I can get her or make for her to play with. Anything you can think of. All of it.

I am short on time and money right now, so I can't go buy up Toys R' Us or surf Pinterest and make some crazy supermom activity. But I have a lot of love and a lot of patience.

Thanks in advance.
xo

1st Day of Preschool

They look thrilled to be standing in the rain while their crazy mom took pictures. Thrilled. What a difference a year makes. 

Beds and Binkies

After all the crazy shook down with Ryan's speech evaluations we were told that the pacis had to go. Now, truth be told, we had planned on getting rid of pacis a long time ago. Like when they were one. And then again when they were 18 months. Once Lola was 6 months old and past the SIDS risk. And then when she started sleeping regularly we decided we'd just wait until the twins were 2. That came and went and we thought we'd just let them agree to give them away at some undecided point in the future.

My kids are the amazing sleeper (12 hours overnight, 2-4 hour naps daily), terrible eater variety. So we weren't about to mess with the one thing we had going for us. Except now we had to. So the night of his final evaluation we drove to a farm near our house and threw our pacis to the baby cows. You can tell Ryan was thrilled to be giving his away.

By default Lola had to give up her paci too, because the big kids definitely would not have understood why she got to keep hers but they couldn't keep theirs. The first night was horrific. Our kids have never put up a fight when it comes to going to sleep. We literally put them in bed, close the door and leave. Reese asked for her paci and we said we gave it to the baby cows and she was over it. Ryan, on the other hand, pitched a holy fit for 90 minutes. Lola, the no pun intended sleeper in this situation, cried for three hours and ended up sleeping on the boob most of the night. You're welcome for that visual.

For naps the next day, Reese again just needed a reminder about who we gave the pacis to. Ryan cried for 45 minutes. The baby was a hot mess. By bedtime that night Lola was the only one still putting up a fight. And just like that our paci days were over.

Driving to the field and tossing the pacis seemed a bit superfluous at the time, but it was the best thing we could have done. The kids will tell us, "I gave my paci to the cows, remember?" Reese has also decided that the baby horses are using her unwanted pacis now too.

Lola turned into a finger sucker, which we were afraid would happen. So this week we snuck the paci back to her at bedtime. It's been interesting hiding her pacifier from the twins. I feel like I'm playing a game of toddler roulette. But we've decided that it's easier to take away a pacifier than it is to cut off her fingers. So that's that.

This week we're in Nantucket and usually we travel with pack and plays, but I decided that I didn't want to have to buy or borrow a third PNP for the trip and I was too cheap to rent them on the island this week. So I made the executive decision to buy bed rails and pack those instead. (Lola, of course, has a PNP we brought from home.) I figured if things got really zoo-y we could always call the rental place and get a set of cribs.

Again, my kids just rolled with it and rocked it out completely. I have to say, we were both shocked. The first night I just had to lie with Reese and snuggle for a few minutes. We talked about going to the beach and building sandcastles and I told her that she just needed to get some sleep before we could go. She was content with that as a promise. Ryan couldn't have been happier to be in a big bed. No fussing at all.

And even though it is only a guard rail on a bed, they don't get out on their own. They ask us to help them down. It's like some sort of imaginary barrier for them, which is an unexpected added bonus.

You know, as parents we built up these bedtime routine things to be so much bigger than they were. I feel bad that we've sold our kids so short. Or maybe we're just really lucky that they're so agreeable. Either way, I am so proud of my big kids for being so freaking awesome.

The Happiest of Days

Reese and Ryan turned two today. We kicked off the week of birthday celebrations with a bombardment of balloons and some new bikes.

On Tuesday they'll get to celebrate with their preschool friends at school. And next weekend is their birthday party. A full week of fun.

I can't believe my babies are two.

The Twins are Famous!

Okay, maybe an exaggeration. But I did get an email from the founder of the website Stuff4Mulitples last week asking for permission to use one of the kids' Halloween pictures from last year on the site. My monkeys are proudly displayed on the site's home page. I'm beyond flattered and, oh my goodness, how much they've grown in a year. I can hardly take it.

Ordinary Days

The R's are creatures of habit. Truth be told, their habits are ones that we worked hard to instill. By being steadfast with their schedules and their routines I created intentional downtime for myself and the predictability of their schedule has been comforting to them as well. Joe and I joke that we've raised Pavlov's babies.

In the morning they come downstairs and whimper while climbing the stove waiting for their milk to be warmed. As soon as they are handed their sippies they run to the living room where a blanket is laid out for them (ALWAYS the night before) and they circle around finding the right spot, drop down to their backs and roll over to drink their milk. Their legs are always bent at the knees while they gulp furiously. Joe always turns on the Weather Channel during milk time and they have come to expect the muzak that plays out of the TV. God forbid the blanket is not down when they come to the living room with their morning milk. They circle frantically, whimpering, unsure of where to lay. 

Nighttime is no different. Dinner, baths, then bedtime. Sippies while they get diapered and dressed. Then they stand in order to back up their tiny heineys onto Daddy's lap for exactly two books. 

It's crazy how routine they are and how much we've also gotten used to this level of independence. 

As they've gotten older, more independent and more observant they have started to add to their routine. It used to be that they would just abandon their bottles/sippies haphazardly once they were done drinking. Now they stand up and walk their sippies over to the coffee table or nightstand for us to collect. They ask for their milk, be it by signing or speaking. They lift up their legs for diaper changes. They scale their cribs to find their pacis at night and they toss their pacis back in their cribs when we lift them out in the morning. 

Our mornings and evenings are so commonplace and easy that sometimes I forget that we worked to get here. This is probably my biggest fear about parenting a newborn again. Starting from ground zero. Having a new tiny human who is 100% dependent upon me for all things. It's so easy to forget how far you've come with toddlers. I imagine that there will be many things that make me appreciate the simplicity of little Lola in comparison to the tantruming twin tornadoes. But tempers aside, I am sure that their new little sister will make me realize, even more, how far my "babies" have come. 

Big Kids

The babies recently decided that they are done with their high chairs/booster seats. It's not something Joe and I encouraged, nor is it the easiest thing to manage (kids running away from the table with food all over their faces and hands) but we're rolling with it. To be honest, they are ridiculously cute sitting at the table with only their chins coming over the top. It makes me giggle every time they eat.

They are rounding the corner on 19 months and I can't believe how amazing these tiny humans are. Life is getting easier in a lot of ways, and much of that is fostered by their growing independence and ability to communicate. Their ability to entertain and engage one another is also a huge help.

Reese has been having a language explosion over the last 6 or so weeks. Girlfriend literally says 4-6 new words a day. She amazes me. Yesterday she woke up about 30 minutes before her brother and I somehow managed to scoop her out of her crib without waking him up as well. She and I laid in my bed and watched videos. It was quiet and I got to cuddle her and stroke her hair while she rested her perfect little head on my big old belly. She is quiet in moments like that, not fighting for attention or monkeying around. Just still and calm and I get to really focus on all of the tender spots on her skin and the way her breath makes her chest rise and fall. And I got to thinking about how simple my life would have been if I had just had one kid at a time.

It wasn't long before Ryan woke up. He goes from ecstatic to be awake to terrified that he's alone in roughly 45 seconds. After nearly 19 months of someone greeting him at the end of each of his many snoozefests, you'd think the kid would be confident in the fact that he hasn't been abandoned...

Anyway, Reese and I burst through the door to greet him. And, like I say every morning, I exclaimed "Bubba! Good Morning!" when all of a sudden Reese shouted with me "Bubba!" She enthusiastically called to her brother no less than a half dozen times while I stood their trying to pick my jaw up off the ground. This was the first time the twins directly addressed each other by name. Well, a nickname, but why split hairs? Ryan exploded with delight. I couldn't take the cuteness.

Their recent focus on and acknowledgement of one another makes my heart smile every day. We are big huggers and kissers in this family and my kids are probably quite sick of being asked to give "huggy, kissy" a thousand times a day. But hey, I'm alone with them all.day.long. The least I can get is a little lovin'. Lately, they've started really hugging. I'm talking wrapping their arms around your neck and back and squeezing. They can now kiss with their mouths closed (as opposed to previously where they were quasi eating your face). They make their bath time duckies kiss one another about a million times a bath and they make me kiss their various stuffed animals before bed, ha! Lately, they have learned to hug and kiss one another and they think doing so is beyond funny. They will lean in and make a kissing noise (mmmmmmwah!) and then sit back and look at each other and laugh hysterically while clapping.

Twins are hard. Some days, after I get the babies down for a nap or bedtime, I flop down exhausted and look around at my life and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I mean seriously, two at once?! In the rigors of daily life it is easy to forget how far we have come and what a special gift these peanuts are. I am so thankful that I have them and so thankful that they have each other.

And to the twin parents out there that don't believe it gets easier, it really does. I promise.

Regular Comedians

Toddlerhood has a unique set of challenges with the tantrums and lack of communication skills, but the awesomeness comes in the small moments with your kids wherein you realize how ridiculously, incredibly funny they can be.

Today while we were making dinner the kids were running amuck tearing the house apart and tormenting the dog, who had just gotten her flea and tick medicine and consequently we were trying to keep (her wet medicine covered fur) away from the kids. We kicked Gracie out to the backyard and Reese followed her to the screen screaming Gay-cee! (Gracie) Dah! (dog). When all of the sudden the sounds of Dah! Dah! got much, much quieter.

Her brother closed the door behind her trapping her between the storm door and the back door to our patio. And...he was laughing hysterically over his skillz.

Puff turned around and knocked on the glass as if to say, "hey! let me back in".

So he did what any good brother would do...he banged back on the glass and pointed at her laughing even harder.

He eventually did try to let her back in, but he (thankfully) hasn't mastered the art of opening doors even though he now easily reaches the knobs.

Siblings. Amazing.

Twin Mom Guilt

I don't feel it often, but once in a while the limitations of having twins is so noticeable that the guilt just sort of seeps in and finds its way into my heart.

We took the kids up to an indoor play place filled with padded toys to climb on and crawl around. Reese, already being a walker, was all over the place. It wasn't long before the toddler section lost her interest and we found our way into the larger bounce house. The larger house has tunnels and nets and cannons you can use to shoot foam balls. There are nooks to climb through and crannies to hide in and, of course, places to go up and down in the maze system (read: places for a 14 month old to fall through and get hurt).

Ryan was able to climb up into the maze system, but once we were up there he was limited by his inability to walk/run and reach things. He also tends to be my more introverted kid in public situations. Which is funny because he has no stranger danger, he just takes a while to warm up and get comfortable in new environments.

Reese, on the other hand, is my wild child. Put her in a new environment and leave her and OH MY FREAKING GOD she'll hold her breath and turn red and cry so loud windows shatter. But bring her somewhere and play with her, the kid is totally in her element. Running up to kids she doesn't know and smiling at them. Grabbing things, climbing things, exploring her new world. She's truly fearless (as long as her mommy is nearby).

The kids both loved this play place, but the intricacies of the maze, mixed with one introverted and relatively immobile child means that I cannot go there alone. Thankfully we went as a family, and Joe hung out with Ryan in the tunnels and I ran all over the place with Reese, sliding down slides and shooting cannons. And the more she giggled and babbled and pointed and ran, the worse I felt.

What would these two be like if I only had them to focus on at this age? What skills would they have mastered? How differently would their personalities have emerged?

I see glimpses of who my children really are when I do independent activities with them. The unique ways that they shine, things that are washed out at times by their duality. And I can't help but be hit by a wave of guilt.

My children are so lucky to have each other. And we are so lucky to have them. I cannot imagine one R without the other. But some days, when I see them alone I can't help but feel like there's just not enough of me for both of them to truly shine.

Party Details

The party chairs for our guests of honor. Their bunting says "let me eat cake" :) 

Party hats! I mentioned before that we were reading Karen Katz's Where is Baby's Birthday Cake? every night before bed. Every time I say party hats it reminds me of the part of the book where the baby looks behind the presents -- "No! These are my party hats." I need to get out more...

I put together a sweets table with snowballs (popcorn balls), chocolate dipped pretzels, barber poles, cupcakes, munchkin snowmen, rock candy, candy dipped marshmallows, lollipops and, of course, birthday cake.

{ hot chocoloate cake with homemade marshmallows }

{ munchkin snowmen for our smaller guests }

I kept all of the food in the dining room and just put balloons throughout the house. This way we had enough space for people to mingle and EAT! Across from the dessert table I put together a hot chocolate bar with the kids 52 week pictures above it. The hot chocolate was a huge hit and so fun (and easy!) to put together. 

{ hot chocolate...fun for kids and adults! }

It may be hard to see because the clothespins are so small, but they were each decorated in red and turquoise. A whole year of our life on a tiny little wall. What a paradox.

For our favors I had tags made that read "no two are alike" and I made snowflake cookies and stuffed two in each favor bag. My husband really busted my chops over this one because I made every cookie and decorated every cookie so that there really were no two that were the same. Proving once again, there really are no limits to my insanity.

My aunt kept teasing me that I wasted all of this energy on kids that had no idea what was going on. I know they're young and oblivious, but doing this for them made me so happy. And their first birthday was a celebration of so many things -- their arrival into our lives, the fact that we are finally parents, the fact that we survived our first year with twins and we're still (mostly) in tact. So, so many things worth celebrating. It was the best year of my life. I hope our party was just a small reflection of all of the love and joy these children have given us. 

Winter Wonderland First Birthday Party!

The kids' birthday party was on Saturday and I have to say it was fantastic. Everything came out great, the food was great, the company was EXCELLENT and everyone had a great time. The babies were so entertained by their party friends, who graciously fed them and played with them. I think it was the first break their daddy and I have had in a long, looooong time!

{ apparently one year old girls stick their tongues out at their mommies! }

{ dessert table }

{ Reese in her party hat }

{ Ryan in his party hat }

{ the straws kept them from crying! }

We sang to Ryan first, since he was Baby A. While we were singing to him, he pinched out his candle. I wasn't expecting that at all. It scared the crap out of him and he ended up crying. Poor bugger.

Then we sang to Reese, who looked mostly confused by all the people singing and taking pictures. 

After three celebrations involving some sort of cake and frosting, it has become apparent to me that my daughter is not much into sweets. She picks through desserts like a little bird.

Ryan on the other hand LOVES frosting. He dives right in. On his birthday he decided to be a big boy and feed himself with a spoon.

Everyone hung out for a bit after the cake cutting and eating, which was wonderful. It was so nice to catch up with so many friends and family. After everyone left the kids opened their presents. They are pros now. Reese knows exactly how to unroll tissue paper and Ryan is quite adept and finding a corner of a package to rip.

{ boy in a bag }

{ a very happy boy and a girl standing ON HER OWN! }

The kids were pooped by bedtime and so were the parents. Our family graciously stayed and helped us pick up and put everything away. The grandparents came over on Sunday for a pancake breakfast and to help us put together all of the kids' toys. We so wish that our parents lived closer, it's bittersweet when they leave. But we had a wonderful weekend and my new "toddlers" are giving me a run for my money these days. I blame the number one.