Sunday, September 9, 2012


Before I say another word, I just want to say THANK YOU to all of the mommas out there who commented, emailed, texted or messaged me with advice, pearls of wisdom, anecdotes of camaraderie and general hugs. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Sometimes in motherhood it is easy to feel like a giant clusterf*ck failure who's surely the only one getting it wrong. It's good to know that my kids are (somewhat) normal and I'm not (entirely) a hot mess. It's also nice to not feel so freaking alone. So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. 

And now onto my buddah belly. As of today I am 35/35. Hellooooo final stretch (and ninth month)! 

{ at 34 weeks my ass decided it too was pregnant }

Crazy to think I'm thisclose to meeting LB. I feel like I've been pregnant forever, she's seriously going to come out and be a sixth grader. Singleton pregnancies are about 9 years longer than a multiples pregnancy. And I'm now convinced that an IVF pregnancy adds another two years. Seriously. Because no one is ever supposed to know that they are 3 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Most people find out when they are almost done with the hellish first trimester. Or at least at a respectable week, like 6 or 8. Only crazy people (like me) buy pregnancy sticks in bulk and pee on them 7 times a day until colors change or they are hospitalized for dehydration.

And with multiples (especially high risk ones) you see your OB/MFM/chach doctor with another acronym every 2 weeks. With this kid I went every six, then every four, then every two and I'm almost graduating to weekly appointments. I seriously forget I'm pregnant sometimes. Well...that's a lot harder now (for obvious reasons) but it was easy to forget early on.

So here I am, running the final .2 miles of this marathon. I feel pretty great. This is so much easier. I definitely think my perspective on pregnancy has shifted since I carried twins the first time around, and I know that not everyone has an easy singleton pregnancy. But by 35 weeks with the twins I couldn't walk for more than ten minutes at a time because the weight of my belly was so great. I used the motorized shopping cart at the grocery store (how embarrassing). I had outgrown all of my maternity clothes and most of Joe's regular clothes too and had to buy a few shirts to get me through to the end. I remember thinking I would surely die before I delivered.

With this kid I feel like I could run a 10K as long as I was wearing adult diapers. I'm still spinning twice a week and most days keeping up with the twinados. I've been lucky - no morning sickness, no aversions, no preterm labor scares or SCH's - this time around. My only issue was another unexplained bleed (I seem to like those when pregnant) and thankfully Lola was 100% healthy. And, as an added bonus, I found out that she had a full head of hair during that emergency ultrasound. Joe and I keep joking that she's going to come out looking like Rapunzel if her hair was that obvious so early on.

I took the kids to the beach today. We got there and it was closed for the season. So we walked to another beach about a quarter mile up from the first. When I finally unpacked all of our necessities and undressed the kids and sat down, it started to pour. I was too tired to care, so we played in the rain. Eventually it stopped raining and by then we had the whole beach to ourselves. Just me and the first loves of my life.

They chased ducks and seagulls. Ran from the loud sounds of boats. Cried at the sight of parasails. Pointed to planes in the air. We made sandcastles, they threw sand, we dunked our toes in the water and splashed. There were snacks. They bit my fingers on purpose. I got about two thousand hugs.

We have five more weeks as a family of four and then our lives will change, once again, forever. This weekend was rough, but I'm soaking it all in. Thinking about ways to make room in my heart and my lap for another tiny human. Wondering how our dynamic will change. How everything will change. I'm scared. But even more than that, I'm excited.

See you in thirty five days (or less), peanut. We can't wait to meet you.

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