Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Feeling Unsubstantive

It's quite funny to be given an award for having substance at a time when you feel unsubstantive. This blog has suffered greatly since the end of my second IVF. First it was because I was feeling so emo after years of cycling. I was in some sort of weird funk waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering when this miracle would end. And so I kept quiet.

Then I was clearly knocked up. And so many of my followers are others struggling with infertility that it just felt wrong to come on here and write about my life. I felt guilty. Unbelievably guilty and sad/happy. Sappy?

And now, well, now I'm just boring. The only thing I think about is nursery decor and babies and getting ready for babies. There are other things too, but they're kind of reeeeeally personal, so I keep those to myself. And I used to share those details, but lately I've felt kind of private.

I still devour decor, but I'm not lit up by it right now. And I still exercise and run races and cook crazy recipes, but something has changed. So I'm trying to figure myself out and in the process I've gone mute. Go figure. I'll get back here again. I mean this blog's been around for SEVEN years. Longer than I've had followers, longer than I even had grey hairs. I'll be back. I'm just transitioning and figuring myself out.

Anyway, thank you very much dear Kate for thinking of me and making me miss blogging...a little. And for giving me this award. You've become a dear friend over the years and I just want you to know how much I truly appreciate you.

As for my blogging philosophy? Um, I think I just made it clear that I have none. I write about my life, whatever is happening in it. And if anyone wants to read about it they're welcome to. In my blog, like in my real life, I'm pretty much an open book.

Now as much as I'd like to pay this award forward, I have to admit, the only blogs I've been reading are those from my IF friends and those from my IRL friends and that's about it. Most of those blogs are linked in my sidebar and they all have substance, so if you are looking for something new to read check out my link love. And thanks again Kate!

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