Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Day 85

Day 85.
The end of IVF #1.
The day of my D&C.
This cycle is finally over.

That's how I feel in one breath.
In the next, I feel like...
this cycle is over?

Yesterday went well.
Or as well as it could have.
I cried. A lot.
I slept. A lot.
I was sick. A lot.

I was prepared for all of that.

The one thing I wasn't prepared for
was the feeling of emptiness I had inside afterward.
It felt like my old body.
The one I had back in November.
Before the last 85 days.

I forgot what that body felt like.

Instead of being something familiar and comfortable 
it felt foreign and cumbersome.

I woke up and I still feel the emptiness.
And I wonder if that will ever feel normal again.

Right now I am restless.
Bored with life.
I'm an impatient person waiting.

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