Day 85

Day 85.

The end of IVF #1.

The day of my D&C.

This cycle is finally over.

That's how I feel in one breath.

In the next, I feel like...

this cycle is over?

Yesterday went well.

Or as well as it could have.

I cried. A lot.

I slept. A lot.

I was sick. A lot.

I was prepared for all of that.

The one thing I wasn't prepared for

was the feeling of emptiness I had inside afterward.

It felt like my old body.

The one I had back in November.

Before the last 85 days.

I forgot what that body felt like.

Instead of being something familiar and comfortable 

it felt foreign and cumbersome.

I woke up and I still feel the emptiness.

And I wonder if that will ever feel normal again.

Right now I am restless.

Exhausted.

Bored with life.

I'm an impatient person waiting.