Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Utter Relief

Joe and I went to the anti-surprise party (there were 30 cars parked on the block and balloons tied to the mailbox) this past weekend and had a great time. A lot of our friends came home from the city which made for a fun day filled with laughs. The hostess is 34 weeks pregnant and we got to talking about what happened to me at my last ob/gyn appointment and she convinced me to bite the bullet and look for a new doctor. Initially I was reluctant to switch because we are only 4 months away from getting an RE referral from my current doctor, who is making us wait 13 months without success before referring us out.

For the last month I walked around with the weight of the world on my shoulder. My ob/gyn had the nerve to look at me in the face and tell me that I wasn’t pregnant (this assessment was given based on nothing more than visual observation) and that I wasn’t ever going to get pregnant; that I was the cause of my own infertility. This because I had elected to chart my cycles to confirm ovulation and because after 8 failed cycles I called her office to find out what resources were available to me. As she reviewed my ovulatory charts she slammed each one on her desk while muffling “hmpfs” and other grumbles of annoyance. She said that I was creating stress in a situation that should be “fun” and because of that I would never have a baby, and potentially my charting was going to ruin my marriage because “guys don’t like to have sex be stressful”.

Her words stung and for days I couldn’t separate my emotions. Was I upset because I didn’t hear what I wanted to hear (and what exactly did I want to hear)? Was I upset because of her delivery? Was I upset because of what I was told? Or was it just the way in which I was treated? When I got home from that appointment all my husband said was “she’s probably right, it’s probably too early to test for anything anyway”. I don’t hold that against him, we don’t know this process having never been through it before. But I was convinced we had given it the old college try enough that we should have been given an Rx for an SA or at least future appointment for testing. Something, anything.

Anyway, on Sunday I did some digging and found great reviews for a doctor down in Albany. It’s kind of a hike, but if I’ll drive 35 minutes to get my hair cut and frequent 3 different places to get various body parts waxed based on their “specialties” I can drive a half hour to have my ute investigated.

The administrative person that answered my call this morning was lovely. I explained to her that we are in our 8th month/9th cycle of actively TTC (with month 9/cycle 10 starting, undoubtedly, on Monday). I told her that I was nervous to switch doctors seeing as we’re so close to getting an RE referral and I don’t want to delay the process any further than necessary. She reassured me that there would be no delay in any referrals and asked me to retrieve my medical records from my old practice so they can see the results of my FSH tests and blood work. When I told her that my old practice hadn’t completed any fertility tests or taken blood, the admin sounded like she fell out of her chair. I told her the reason I was switching practices was because I was belittled for worrying that there was something wrong at my appointment last month. I was once again reassured that I’d be taken care of and that I’d have tests done immediately. Hearing that, it took all of my strength not to start crying immediately. Oddly enough, one of the doctors in the practice was supposed to be on vacation next week but the trip was cancelled so they had an opening on Tuesday. I thought for sure I’d have to wait till May to get in, which in my head was still better than waiting until August.

After I got off the phone I literally broke down. Poor Joe was probably regretting have an easy morning (which meant he was home to witness said break down). It is just so relieving to be taken seriously and to know that we may have an answer about what’s been happening (or in our case, not happening) in the next few weeks. I’ll report more after my appointment next week. Wish me luck.

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