Monday, February 18, 2008


I've recently decided that the purpose of having a husband is to prepare a woman for having children; I reached this conclusion this morning as I handed my husband his breakfast and his lunch and kissed him as he walked out the door.

Prior to cohabitation (5 years ago) I would only have to vacuum my apartment every two weeks. My apartment was always clean. There was nary a dish in the sink. Socks were in a hamper as opposed to strewn about in mysterious places. My apartment smelled good; even the bathrooms. I never ran out of key essentials, like say toilet paper, because when I was getting low on stock of TP I went out and bought more.

And then there was my darling Joe. Who owns more socks than any man should. Who brings his lacrosse bag inside the house and puts in in our guest bedroom closet (not a big deal? Have YOU ever smelled the inside of a lacrosse bag?!) Who shits in every bathroom in the house. Which is something I seriously don't understand, stick to one! Why should I have to clean 3 bathrooms for two people? Who not only uses every pot in the house to make a can of soup, but then leaves all of the cooking utensils on the countertop next to the sink. Why next to it as opposed to in it? This I cannot answer. And my biggest qualm of all - the laundry. Seriously it never ends.

Now, let me first say that I am a midget, I could easily shop in the children's section based on both the size of my ass and the length of my body. However, I could wear every single article of clothing in my closet (and there's a lot of clothes in there) and still only have two loads of laundry to do - whites and colors. My husband, while not an overly large man, can wear three pairs of jeans and a sweatshirt and the hamper is overflowing and I am up to my eyeballs in separating and folding.

And I love this man. Truly I do. But I seriously often wonder, what would be different about having kids? More laundry? Bring it.

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