Surviving October

I survived three days of the Blog Challenge. I guess that makes me blog challenged? It was too much. I don't want to rifle through 30 year old photo albums to find pictures and then sit in my basement with the spiders scanning them in and cropping them. Too much. Who has the time? Not this girl. At least not now. And I cheated and read ahead and some of the topics were things like 'your favorite bible verse'. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no atheist, but Jesus doesn't belong on my blog. You with me?

So back to the old Niki, that writes when she can about whatever she's thinking of at the time. Several of you emailed and/or commented that you were happy I was doing the blog challenge so you could "get to know me". Sorry to disappoint! I'm an open book though, so if you have a question, just ask!

1. I think it's really sweet when people tell me I'm all belly. I really am ALL BELLY. Thirty one and a half pounds of belly. Well, I think I have some boobage in there too. But this thing is massive now. When I sit, my belly rests on my lap. I'm not going to lie, it's as gross as it sounds.

The only shirts that fit me, are comfortable and make me feel cute are the GapMaternity Supersoft Long Sleeve Crewnecks. Because I stick out so much in front most shirts make me look like I have love handles; the side ruching on these hide all the cushion I have for pushin' (you're welcome for the visual). And they're long enough that I'm always covered in the back and the front. No state fair belly hanging out the bottom.

2. Dunkin Donuts Coffee, especially the pumpkin spice.

And not the decaf kind either. Try not to judge me too harshly. My kids are still chunkers and I'm able to function through a "normal" day. I was a Starbucks girl before the twins, but they've voted and seem to demand DD. I aim to please.

3. Glammed up pumpkins. I make Martha's famous glitter pumpkins every year. This year I caught Wild Ink's post on painted pumpkins too; don't mind if I do. 

These are Rebekah's loverly pumpkins. Mine have been up for over a month now, but I haven't had time to take a picture of them. Went to take one this morning and a pumpkin already started to rot and seeped through onto my sideboard. I proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes mumbling expletives and cleaning stripper dust off my furniture. They now have a thicker runner underneath them for added protection. (Yes, I could use funkins but, trust me, they're not as pretty.) 

Anyway, when I'm not swearing at them, I love these pumpkins and if you don't buy your gourds at the grocery store (like I did this year) they last from the beginning of October through Thanksgiving. Double-duty decorating!

4. Cooking Light Magazine

I finally have the energy to cook again and my gag reflex is almost nonexistent these days, so I'm back in the kitchen and so happy to be there. Recipes and reviews to come soon. Last year subscribed to Cooking Light for $7 and it was the best $7 I spent. New things to try every month and almost everything we make is quick, low cal and healthy.  

The husband just had his physical and his bad cholesterol came back high. This makes me not-so-happy. I feel like I've failed as a wife over the last six months when I turned up my nose at the grocery store and 90% of the food we normally eat. I need to keep my honey in tip-top shape so he can live long and prosper. Anyway, if you love being in the kitchen, it's worth a subscription. Unlike most food magazines, nothing in this one is too fancy schmancy and almost everything we make is good!

5. Spinning. I'm back on the bike and it feels so good; I actually feel human again. A little bittersweet because I know I have to give it up again shortly, but right now I'm just pedaling and smiling. 

Before moving to the Capital Region, I taught spinning for about 6 years and I've been on the bike for the last ten. Strangely I never got into road biking, although I'm dying to. Anyway, this exercise is my therapy, it's my sanity and it's my favorite. And I decided to hop on the bike and see how I'd do after a month off, and guess what? I did just fine. I'm super excited to finish up work for good soon and be able to get in there a few times a week rather than just every so often. 

If you've never tried spin, but want to, I can't recommend it enough! In an hour you can push yourself at your own pace, blast up to 1000 calories and completely decompress. L.O.V.E. does not begin to describe how I feel about this class.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 3

Day 3: Your first love

See the handsome boy in the pink polo? That's Johnny Villano. I'm the cutie in the pink overalls. Welcome to my 8th birthday and my parent's basement; we can discuss the wood panelling later.

Johnny Villano was my first love. He told me he was going to marry me one day, and I believed him. Remember, back in the day, when elementary schools had tchotchkey vendors come to the auditorium and sell things before the holidays so you could buy your parents gifts? Well Johnny bought me a ring at one of those holiday fairs. It said LOVE in capital letters, and in the "o" was a topaz colored rhinestone. It was my promise ring.

Johnny was my best friend. He lived a few houses down from me on East 68th Street and he walked me to and from school. In the second grade, he was the one that told me about Jason on Friday the 13th. I didn't know such horror existed. I was terrified, too afraid to leave our school. He told me he'd walk me to my door. I asked if he would hold my hand, just in case. Well played Mr. Villano, well played. 

My whole life I always wanted a big family, but my mom had trouble conceiving after me. People would ask me if I had any brothers or sisters and I would reply "no, I'm a lonely child" instead of an only child (ouch, right?). When I was six years old my mom conceived my sister and in September just before my seventh birthday, Johnny's mom came and picked me up from school. She told me that my new brother or sister was on its way and that my parents had asked her to watch me until my dad got home from the hospital. 

My mom had never been in the hospital before. Again, I was terrified. Again, Johnny held my hand. After we had our snack and did our homework, he took me to the living room and laid down on the couch with me. Looking back on it now I guess we were spooning, he rubbed my back and stroked my hair and told me everything would be okay. 

The next year my family moved away to Florida. I promised Johnny I'd write. But I was 8 and he was 10 and we lived in different places. Our parents kept in touch with each other and through friends.

When I was in the 6th grade my mom told me that she heard from one of our old neighbors that Johnny was sick. Really sick. He had a brain tumor and was in and out of the hospital. I wrote him a letter and he wrote back and eventually our letters turned into a routine and I begged my mom to let me fly back to New York to visit. 

On a family trip to New Jersey my aunt and uncle brought me down to Johnny's house to see him. He looked nothing like I remembered. We were older then - 10 and 12 - but it wasn't our age that made us so different. He was swollen from the chemo, he had no hair, he was weak and connected to wires. 

My mom had warned me that he might not look the same, that he was really sick. I brushed her comments off, what could he possibly have looked like? Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. I tried not to gasp and I tried not to cry. But he knew by looking at me how bad it was. I think he knew anyway. He promised me it wasn't as bad as it seemed, but each step he took looked painful and he needed help to be able to just sit on his bed. 

We talked, we joked, we tried to catch up. But everything had changed. And so sometimes we just sat in awkward silence. When he asked me what kind of music we listened to in Florida I told him whatever I could remember. And then he handed me his headphones and asked me to listen to a song. Before I put them on he told me that if he could live forever he would take me to all of these places, confused I put the headphones on and he hit play. As the words came through the tiny, sponged speakers he grabbed my hand. 

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama

In the spring of my seventh grade year I got off the school bus and walked home. My mom was sitting in the kitchen. She had talked to Johnny's mom earlier that day; Johnny had passed away. I screamed at her not to lie to me. Told her jokes like that weren't funny. And when she told me she wasn't kidding, I fell into her arms and cried. 

My first love died at the age of 13, before he had even lived. He was surrounded by his parents and his younger brothers and he was finally at peace. For years I couldn't listen to the song Kokomo, now whenever it comes on the radio (which isn't that often) I think of him and I smile.

Diaper Bags

I need to buy a diaper bag. I haven't picked one out yet. Every time I "see" something I like online, I waffle. Living in Upstate it's not like there's a wealth of stores available to really see these items in person. I'm an in-person kind of gal. And I'm not into rootie-tootie-fresh-and-snooty bags. I don't care what the label says. I just want it to be cute and functional. If it's cute and functional and reasonably priced I'd do a cartwheel. Here's what I'm looking at for now:

LeSportSac Ryan Diaper Bag

Skip Hop's Studio Tote

Dwell Studio's Dots

Clearly the only thing that I'm certain of is polka dots. Seriously though, I had no idea all three bags I "picked" were spotty dotty. I guess I've found my bag style. Now if I only I knew whether any of these bags were worth their weight in diapers.

I've heard great things about Petunia Pickle Bottom, but I just don't like those bags when I see them. I may have to suck it up and order all three of these online. Although by the time I payS&H and return processing fees I'll have been able to purchase two bags. Any advice or recommendations? Have you seen any of these bags in person? Is there another bag I should take a look at? 

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 2

Day 2: Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

When I was in middle school I read Gilda Radner's autobiography It's Always Something, and it is from that book that I pilfered my blog's name. It's Always Something was a personal account to Radner's struggle with ovarian cancer, but more than that it was a testament to her life and how she chose to face each day.

This book and the Ryan White story changed my life. Ironically, or not so ironically Radner also faced issues with RPL and infertility. In her book she talked a lot about her father's influence on her and her attitude and credited him with the title (also a common line in her Roseanne Roseannadanna sketches) "It's like my father always said to me, he said to me, he said, Roseanne Roseannadanna, it's always something. If it isn't one thing--it's another! It's always something."

Simple. Profound. But so true, isn't it? I mean it IS always something. Life isn't about perfection and picket fences and 2.5 children in a perfectly coiffed surburban house. It's about waking up each day and facing whatever life hands you. And it's not about the trials and tribulations we face, but about our attitude and approach to facing them.

Look, I'm no Polly Prozac. I often have to remind myself when facing a new hurdle - if it wasn't this it would be something else, because it is always something. And as long as I keep that in mind, most days I can hold my shit together long enough to move from one problem to the next with a smile on my face.

This blog is a testament to my life. What's piquing my interest one day or occupying my thoughts the next. Sometimes it's facing disappointment and other times it's sharing my smiles. So there you have it.

Gilda may not have been one of life's great philosophers but maybe she should have been, because I think she understood, I mean really understood, what it meant to live before she died.

Before I go, I might as well share a few more snippets from her book that have stuck with me. I had to do a little googling to make sure I got the wording right, but I've remembered the message for more than 20 years.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." 

"Dreams are like paper, they tear so easily."

"While we have the gift of life, it seems to me that only tragedy is to allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our glorious uniqueness."

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 1

Day 1: introduce, recent picture, and 15 interesting facts

(stands, clears throat...) Hi, my name is Niki, and I'm a blogger. Okay. I promise. Taking this seriously. 

What's there to say? I'm a type-a, control freak that's obsessed with running, spinning and eating (which is why I run and spin). My hobbies have recently been curtailed by two aliens I have growing inside me (one of them just kicked me in the sphincter), but I'm happy to sit on the sidelines for these two. I'm married to one of the kindest people I have ever met and I have a super sweet yellow lab that was the center of my world (until recently). 

I love traveling, coffee and dirty language. I laugh at fart jokes and potty humor of all kinds. I'm a 13-year-old boy trapped in a 31-year-old woman's body. Enjoy. 

{ me and the aliens at 25 weeks }

Fifteen things about myself...here goes:

1. I'm incredibly indecisive, unless I'm making a decision about something in someone else's life; then I'm quite certain of the right answer.

2. I'm the oldest of seven by a technicality, but depending on when you ask me I'll either own up to the other 4 or just tell you I have a single sister and a single brother (whom I love with all that I am).

3. The beach is my favorite place in the world. Any beach, in any place. That's my favorite.

4. I love the idea of crafts and do-it-yourself projects but I hate actually doing them. I do them anyway, swear a lot in the process and then boast about how awesome I am after they're done.

5. I draw a line with reality TV for what is and isn't acceptable. Teen Mom = Good. Real Housewives = Garbage. I'm very firm with what is or isn't worth my time.

6. I suck at anything having to do with history, math, geography and science. I think it's partially genetic. My sister was up here recently and I offered to take her to Vermont. She asked me where in NY Vermont was located. See? It has to be something in our DNA.

7. I read voraciously.

8. Cooking is a passion. I thought about going to culinary school at one point, but the idea of cutting into animal bones skeeved me out too much, so I changed my mind.

9. I'm an overbrusher. I never knew you could brush your teeth too much or for too long. My dentist yells at me all the time.

10. I'd take a beer and a burger over a five star restaurant any day of the week.

11. It recently occurred to me that I have to deliver these babies eventually and now I am scared out of my mind at the thought of two human beings coming out of a hole in my body (whether god given or surgeon created).

12. However, the idea of being a mother doesn't scare me a single bit.

13. I have also taken to (quietly) mourning all the parts of my life that are now over. Sleeping in, taking up residence on the couch for an entire day, running with no end or destination in sight, marathon spin classes on Saturday mornings. I wonder what will fill these spaces that previously filled me. It probably goes without saying that I'm having an identity crisis from all the change in my life. 

14. In the 9th grade I wrote a research paper on PETA. I went vegetarian. Five years and one frat party later and I realized how much I liked hamburgers.

15. When I first met my husband I wouldn't date him because his name was Joe. In the 6th grade the school dork, Joe Callahan, asked me out on the playground in front of our entire class. I never lived that down and I hated the name with a vengeance thereafter. 

Blog Challenge

I'm not one for blog awards and blog challenges and goofy things that come along with being a blogger. But lately my inspiration for writing is completely sapped and I have been trying to find the motivation and the enjoyment in keeping this space going (mostly for myself).

When I started this blog six years ago I used it as a way to keep in touch with college friends who had all disbanded and moved around the country. Then I went private for a little while and kept it as a personal journal. When we stumbled onto our IF path I opened my blog back up. Now, I want to keep it to remember what it was like to be 31, to remember what it was like to be pregnant, and to remember each milestone of our babies' lives. So...I need to come back to this space and actually start writing.

And as though she knew I was struggling to find things to write about, my friend Alix decided to join another blogger's 30 day blog challenge. Okay Al, I'm on board. I hope this doesn't get too silly.

Winborg Sisters Cherry Blossom Birdies

Nursery snafu number one. I'm sure there's more to come...

I ordered the Cherry Blossom Birdies 40x30 canvas (can be purchased through PB Kids) from Baby Oliver Boutique for our nursery. The artwork arrived yesterday and it has a lot more pink than I expected and isn't quite as gender neutral as I had hoped.

I ordered through Baby Oliver because they offered free shipping and shipping & handling through PBK was $63. Found out this morning that Baby Oliver has a no returns policy, lucky me.

The canvas is still wrapped in plastic with safety corners on the edges. I literally only took it out of the box before I realized it wouldn't work.

This retails for $245 + S&H on PBK, and $245 on Baby Oliver.

Selling for $200 with free shipping. email me if interested nikinikinine[at]yahoo[dot]com

Thank Boo!

I had two amazing baby showers in the last two weeks. At each shower I was surrounded by the most important women in my life. To say that I felt loved would be a dramatic understatement. I can't wait to personally thank each and every one of my friends and relatives for their thoughtfulness and generosity. To do so I ordered these adorable cards from The Pink Orange.

I thought they were timely and too cute for words. It doesn't hurt that their creator is one of the sweetest, most stylish and sassy ladies I know.

Versatility

Thanks to Mrs.Hoppy for this blog award! You are too kind.  

Requisite rules: "Seven things you may not know".

1. I'm the oldest of seven kids. 

2. My husband is the first guy over 5'11" I ever dated.

3. My favorite season used to be summer, but now it's fall.

4. I've memorized most of the two letter words in the Scrabble dictionary.

5. I still sleep with a teddy bear. I promised myself when I had kids I would retire it, but I'm not so sure that's going to happen now...

6. I hate rollercoasters.

7. When I drink seltzer I shake all of the carbonation out of it, essentially making it flavored water. This drives my husband nuts.