It's Always Something

12 eggs = 2 embryos

2012-01-28T11:38:00.000-05:00

Source: lucyina.com via Tina on Pinterest

Got the call this morning, nothing else made it to freeze. So I had two embryos from the whole cycle. I'm feeling really good about that. Best case scenario we have baby #3 and #4. Worst case scenario we move on as a family of four. Either way we did our best and I'm at peace with whatever happens.

Statistically we did exactly what we were supposed to with IVF #3. Our embryologist told us before this cycle started that on any given IVF, 17% of the eggs you create will achieve embryo status, but only 8% will actually have the potential to become babies. The same way things work in the non-ART world.

So me making 2 potentially baby making embryos out of 12 eggs is spot on. Now I just hope that one of these little guys sticks. One week and counting.

Snuggle In Tight

2012-01-27T10:47:00.000-05:00

My transfer was today, I'm very happy with the outcome. We had ten embryos on day 3. By this morning two had arrested, four were early blasts, two were morulas, one was graded a 4AA and another was graded 4BB.

We transferred the 4AA, this guy right here (I think he looks like Joe).

And we froze the 4BB (also, quite cute in my humble opinion).

Our embryologist will be watching the other six embryos today and tomorrow morning as possibly cryo candidates. Our clinic doesn't freeze anything graded with a C or below. Statistically speaking, with 12 eggs I should have made one, maybe two blasts. The fact that we had one to transfer and one to freeze is perfect. And while I would never wish that the rest arrested, I would be relieved if we didn't have six embryos sitting in a cryo bank.

So now we wait and see. I'll get a call in the morning with our cryo update and my beta is next Saturday. Joe is out of town so I get to take the kids with me to clinic (oy vey) and then to swim class alone. Should be enough of a distraction until the phone rings.

And for those of you that know my reputation with pregnancy tests, yes I'll test early. I plan to POAS today to test out my trigger. With the twins I was trigger negative at 3dp5dt AM and pregnancy positive at 3dp5dt PM (yes, I POAS that often). With the singleton I lost, I didn't get a BFP until 9dp3dt. I'm thinking the earliest I should test is Wednesday? Thoughts from the POAS peanut gallery?

New Build

2012-01-26T13:12:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, a long time ago I said if we stayed in the area this guy would build our future home. Well, we've decided to stay in the area and we are building with him. Exciting times. We're actually meeting with the design team tonight to get drawings started. I just spent the last 90 minutes of the babies naps printing off inspiration images that I've been holding for this next house.

Source: thatkindofwoman.tumblr.com via nikinikinine on Pinterest

Source: decorpad.com via nikinikinine on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via nikinikinine on Pinterest

I have more than a dozen pages printed filled with pictures of mudrooms and entries, sunrooms and playrooms, kids bedrooms and kitchens, family rooms and studies. And in my collection process I realized that I have ZERO pictures of ideas for the master bedroom. This is probably why after living in this house for SIX YEARS our master bedroom is still not decorated. This is the only picture I have saved, and I'm not even in love with it.

Source: Uploaded by user via nikinikinine on Pinterest

What is my mental block with the bedroom? (Please, no ill-intended jokes.) I can't even think of what I would want our bedroom to look like. I feel like maybe it should have a sitting area, but maybe not. Maybe it should be relaxing, or maybe romantic, or maybe some combination of masculine and feminine, but I fear you risk wandering into androgynous...

I'm really stuck with this one. What should a master bedroom have?

The Mindfu*k that is IVF

2012-01-25T08:22:00.000-05:00

Or my day 3 embryo report.

Source: flickr.com via Krista on Pinterest

All ten embryos have fertilized. Whaaaat? Yes, all ten. The six that they originally observed still going strong, and somehow the other four fertilized too?

Our embryologist explained that since we did ICSI, she knows the exact time they were injected with sperm. The fact that she wasn't able to observe fertilization after 24 hours means they either fertilized too fast or too slow, so they're not "normal". These other four embryos have been put aside for separate monitoring and observation.

We're scheduled for a 5DT on Friday.

Lately

2012-01-24T23:12:00.000-05:00

The kids seem to be getting bigger by the day. They are obsessed with drinking from cups. Especially cups with straws. They will chug water, trade cups and chug some more.

New favorite past times include trying to break the safety locks off the cabinets, opening doors (or at least attempting to open them), shaking my living room lamps by their bases and climbing the stairs.

{ monkey sasquatch }

Ryan has also decided that he will only eat off of a fork from now on. It's cute beyond cute. He's a very determined little eater. I'm amazed at how he will swipe his fork at his tray pretending to stab food and then move the fork to his mouth. I say pretending because he isn't very good at getting food onto his fork, so much of our meals are spent with me sticking food on his fork and him moving the food to his mouth. He is very good with yogurt and a spoon though :)

Reese is stringing together more and more steps. We got up to seven steps in a row this weekend. Chicken little still won't step out on her own, I'm wondering if she will ever walk unassisted at this point. I imagine her at 14 with me helping her get to her feet and holding her hand. Okay clearly that's a gross exaggeration, but this is a kid I thought would be walking by Halloween...

In addition to baby steps and baby breaking and entering, Reese has started smiling proudly. Except it is the weirdest smiley face you've ever seen. Crooked and full of teeth and a scrunched up face. I've been trying to get it on camera, but she gets all normal when I break out the film. Best I've been able to do is grab this video. You're welcome in advance.

Fert Report

2012-01-23T22:32:00.003-05:00

Source: reasonstobreathe.tumblr.com via Kimberly on Pinterest

Twelve retrieved, ten were able to be injected via ICSI. Of the 10, four were good, two were fair and two were poor. As of my fert report, six had fertilized and possibly another two, but there was something about the way the pronucleus was situated that made it hard to tell if those two were fertilized or if they were crapping out. This is probably my worst retrieval to date. Or at least my worst fert report.

With IVF #1 I had 13 retrieved, 6 mature, 5 fertilized. That cycle I transferred two on day 3 (a grade 4, 8-cell and a grade 3, 8-cell) and I conceived a singleton. I had nothing left to freeze.

With IVF #2 I had 14 retrieved, 13 mature, 12 fertilized. That cycle I transferred three on day 5 (two 2AA's and one 1AB) and have two frosties.

The worst is going through my head. What if none of them make it to day 5? What if we transfer the wrong one? What if my last attempt to conceive ends in a miscarriage again and I have no frosties?

How is it that in both of my fresh cycles I had essentially an 85% fertilization rate, but this cycle almost half of my eggs didn't fertilize? I'm beside myself. And as much as I want to stay positive, it is hard to.

I get my day 3 report on Wednesday. I am refusing a 3DT since we are doing an sET and our clinic's FET rates are so, so low. I figure a 5DT will give me my best chance to pick the best embryo. I know if this doesn't work out that we are already so unbelievably blessed. But I will be sad if this ends badly. I already feel guilty for taking money out of our savings to continue growing our family. And this cycle was hard, hard, hard. To go through all of this for nothing would devastate me.

Another IVF Comes to a Close

2012-01-20T14:09:00.000-05:00

With the kids birthday and the holidays it was (almost) easy to forget that I was cycling. I'm triggering for IVF #3 tonight. I'm kind of disappointed because with my first IVF I stimmed for 9 days, with my second (the most perfect cycle ever) I stimmed for 8 and this time I only made it 7 days.

I knew within an hour of taking my shots last night that they would be my last set of stims. I felt full and crampy. It was hard to go to the bathroom and I was an EWCM machine (too much info? Sorry!). The PA was surprised to see so many mature follicles already and my bloodwork showed that my e2 was climbing. Trigger time.

Maybe this is a godsend? I had 12 measurable follicles at today's scan. My AFC was 19 for this cycle, which terrified me. We've decided that when we are done having children we will donate our remaining embryos to research through Stanford's Renew Biobank. While I am (almost 100%) comfortable with that decision, filling out the paperwork last week really killed me. The paperwork refers to Joe and I as a sperm donor and an egg donor. Gosh, we're so much more than that.

It is my hope that this cycle turns out similar to our last cycle - 14 eggs retrieved, 13 mature, 12 fertilized and 2 crapped out by day three. By day five we had 10 embryos -- 4 were crapping out, 3 were transferred and 2 were frozen.

As of October 2011 all 5 of our "viable" embryos had been transferred back to me and only two implanted and became children (obviously, Reese and Ryan).

So if all works out in real time as it has in my head. We'll have a similar cycle and end up with baby #3 and maybe baby #4 and be done with nothing left to give to research. Maybe it's a good thing that all 19 of my available follicles didn't rise to the occasion? But it doesn't feel so good knowing that I'm at least a day ahead of where I should be for this cycle.

Retrieval is Sunday and my 5DT will be Friday. We're sticking to an sET. The remaining embryos will be frozen on day 5 or day 6 depending on their state. I know I should be relieved that this is almost over, but my cage is really rattled.

Updated the Resale Blog

2012-01-19T14:27:00.001-05:00

If anyone is interested I just updated my resale blog with a bunch of decorations from the kids' birthday party and quite a few boy/girl matching outfits, girl clothes and boy clothes. I have another two bags to go through and I'll be updating it through the weekend.

Everything is organized by labels which can be found in the sidebar. Email me at nikinikinine at yahoo dot com with any questions!

Party Details

2012-01-17T05:57:00.011-05:00

The party chairs for our guests of honor. Their bunting says "let me eat cake" :)

Party hats! I mentioned before that we were reading Karen Katz's Where is Baby's Birthday Cake? every night before bed. Every time I say party hats it reminds me of the part of the book where the baby looks behind the presents -- "No! These are my party hats." I need to get out more...

I put together a sweets table with snowballs (popcorn balls), chocolate dipped pretzels, barber poles, cupcakes, munchkin snowmen, rock candy, candy dipped marshmallows, lollipops and, of course, birthday cake.

{ hot chocoloate cake with homemade marshmallows }

{ munchkin snowmen for our smaller guests }

I kept all of the food in the dining room and just put balloons throughout the house. This way we had enough space for people to mingle and EAT! Across from the dessert table I put together a hot chocolate bar with the kids 52 week pictures above it. The hot chocolate was a huge hit and so fun (and easy!) to put together.

{ hot chocolate...fun for kids and adults! }

It may be hard to see because the clothespins are so small, but they were each decorated in red and turquoise. A whole year of our life on a tiny little wall. What a paradox.

For our favors I had tags made that read "no two are alike" and I made snowflake cookies and stuffed two in each favor bag. My husband really busted my chops over this one because I made every cookie and decorated every cookie so that there really were no two that were the same. Proving once again, there really are no limits to my insanity.

My aunt kept teasing me that I wasted all of this energy on kids that had no idea what was going on. I know they're young and oblivious, but doing this for them made me so happy. And their first birthday was a celebration of so many things -- their arrival into our lives, the fact that we are finally parents, the fact that we survived our first year with twins and we're still (mostly) in tact. So, so many things worth celebrating. It was the best year of my life. I hope our party was just a small reflection of all of the love and joy these children have given us.

Winter Wonderland First Birthday Party!

2012-01-16T17:54:00.000-05:00

The kids' birthday party was on Saturday and I have to say it was fantastic. Everything came out great, the food was great, the company was EXCELLENT and everyone had a great time. The babies were so entertained by their party friends, who graciously fed them and played with them. I think it was the first break their daddy and I have had in a long, looooong time!

{ apparently one year old girls stick their tongues out at their mommies! }

{ dessert table }

{ Reese in her party hat }

{ Ryan in his party hat }

{ the straws kept them from crying! }

We sang to Ryan first, since he was Baby A. While we were singing to him, he pinched out his candle. I wasn't expecting that at all. It scared the crap out of him and he ended up crying. Poor bugger.

Then we sang to Reese, who looked mostly confused by all the people singing and taking pictures.

After three celebrations involving some sort of cake and frosting, it has become apparent to me that my daughter is not much into sweets. She picks through desserts like a little bird.

Ryan on the other hand LOVES frosting. He dives right in. On his birthday he decided to be a big boy and feed himself with a spoon.

Everyone hung out for a bit after the cake cutting and eating, which was wonderful. It was so nice to catch up with so many friends and family. After everyone left the kids opened their presents. They are pros now. Reese knows exactly how to unroll tissue paper and Ryan is quite adept and finding a corner of a package to rip.

{ boy in a bag }

{ a very happy boy and a girl standing ON HER OWN! }

The kids were pooped by bedtime and so were the parents. Our family graciously stayed and helped us pick up and put everything away. The grandparents came over on Sunday for a pancake breakfast and to help us put together all of the kids' toys. We so wish that our parents lived closer, it's bittersweet when they leave. But we had a wonderful weekend and my new "toddlers" are giving me a run for my money these days. I blame the number one.

Spring Cleaning

2012-01-16T15:00:00.001-05:00

I'm going through the house and listing all of the extras we have on Craigslist and my resale blog. I'm finally parting with some of my work clothes, my sister came and scalped everything she wanted this fall. Sadly for her, she's about 3" taller than I am, so most of my pants were a no go.

I'm struggling with what to do with the kids' stuff. Obviously we're actively TTC #3, but the likelihood of having a child that will fit in their stuff at the right seasons seems very slim. I'm thinking I should just keep the stuff that can be used year round (like jeans, play clothes, pajamas) and then sell off the seasonal stuff (like swim suits, shorts and dresses). What do you all do with your baby clothes?

Banana Pancakes and Snowmen

2012-01-12T13:49:00.000-05:00

It's official! We're O-N-E. I can't believe it. And naturally it would snow on their birthday, which makes 100% sense since the night I went into labor and delivery we got our first snowstorm of the winter too (which caused Grandma to sleep overnight in our prelabor room, but that's another blog post altogether).

We started out this morning with separate songs for separate babies and lots of snuggles. Daddy made the kids fresh squeezed OJ and I thought Ryan was going to have a stroke from drinking so hard and so fast through that straw. Every time it was Reese's turn to take a sip he grabbed the cup or ripped the straw out of her mouth. And forget about watching her drink. He was devestated that she was getting his juice. Stinker.

I made the babies banana pancakes and then we strapped on our snowsuits for the first time EVER and hit the yard with Gracie. Naturally the snow boots that I bought Ryan in December no longer fit his fat little feet. Poor kid inherited my Fred Flinstone feet. So he went outside in his Stride Rites. Add to my list of things to do this week "buy Ryan new winter boots".

I thought the kids would lose their minds once we sat them in the snow but they LOVED it. And they loved watching Gracie chase after her ball and roll around like a maniac. Reese kept doing this weird thing that looked like pilates in snow. She was leaning back and lifting her torso and legs in the air (like she was doing the hundred). I don't know if it was a balance thing or what? Joe ended up building her a snow chair.

We rolled a bit, ate some snow, laughed at Grace and built our first snowman. Then it was time for sippies and naps. Reese was hysterical when we took her inside. Munchie wanted to keep playing. And she was extra snuggly while drinking her milk before naptime. I'm so very thankful when they're snuggly, especially her. She's the uncuddliest kid you'll ever meet. Miss independent.

I'm trying to chill today and just take it all in, but we've got some stuff to get done for Saturday. I'm hoping to at least get their dessert table up and running and bake all the cookies for our guest favors and the sweet treats for the table too. Oh, and their cake.

Tonight is their favorite dinner (ravioli, string cheese, and cucumber salad) followed by more birthday songs. And in lieu of our usual dessert (strawberries), two very special babies are getting two very special cupcakes.

December 2011

2012-01-11T23:27:00.000-05:00

Here we are, on the eve of your first birthday. I can hardly believe it. This time last year, the three of us were sitting in a hospital bed together. It was the last time it would ever be just the three of us again. Daddy and I had an ultrasound earlier that day and they thought you guys were very sick and very small. We were sent right over to labor and delivery, but because I threw up that day they wouldn't start my induction until I had eaten.

I had no idea what was in store for me beyond that meal and beyond that night. I was terrified for you both. I couldn't believe we made it to 38+ weeks and I was hearing words like NICU and ventilators. You guys were so happy to eat that night. I remember feeling you roll around in my belly. You weren't ready to come out, and as much as I wanted to meet you I wasn't ready yet either.

I thought I had failed you. Turns out, Ryan was just hogging up all the real estate in my belly (like he does in the ball pit, Mommy and Daddy's bed and on the couch!) and it made it hard for the doctors to get a clear picture of you guys. You were both perfect in every way. Six pounds, 1 ounce and six pounds, eight ounces of perfect (to be exact).

December was when everything really started to change. You guys were like little sponges, suddenly things that you were seeing around you started to click and you were not only responding to your world around you, but engaging in it as well.

Reese one afternoon we were doing our weekly pictures in your bedroom when you pulled a nana blanket out of your crib, put it over your head and then pulled it down and started laughing. You were playing peek-a-boo...with ME! So many months of me playing peek-a-boo with you and there you were copying me, and of your own volition. I couldn't believe my eyes.

Ryan, you started imitating sounds I'd make throughout the day. Silly things I do when I think no one is paying attention. Clicking noises and hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmms, big sighs and whistles. I thought I was going crazy the first time I heard you mimick me, but it was real.

At eleven months you guys were inseparable. Ry, you finally started crawling on all fours (and you've gotten quite fast!) and you and Puff spent hours chasing each other around the chairs in the living room or in the playroom. You guys giggle like maniacs and talk in your own language.

You guys were curious as anything (or as Daddy says, mischeivous). Pulling things out of drawers, climbing like crazy, standing on top of toys to get a better vantage point of something just out of your reach. December in our house was an exercise in herding cats.

Of course, we celebrated your first Christmas. Very exciting, well for us anyway. You guys were more concerned with the paper than your actual presents. Next year is going to be amazing. But this year was everything I dreamed it could be.

At the beginning of December I bought you guys a book called "Where is Baby's Birthday Cake?" it is one of the lift the flap books that you both love and I thought it would be a good way to prepare you guys for the things you'd see at your birthday party and help get us geared up for the big day. We read it after bottles every night before lights out.

All I have to do is say the name of the book and you both drop whatever trouble you're getting into and crawl over to me. You know exactly how to lift each flap and exactly when to turn the pages. Some nights you share nicely lifting the flaps together and taking turns turning the pages. Other nights you tackle each other to get to the flaps and nearly kill me trying to turn the pages.

It's amazing to Daddy and I that in a few short weeks you figured out that some flaps open to the left, some lift straight up and some pull down. That you know which flap is which. You are obviously not babies anymore, at least not the little babies I brought home a year ago.

We are so proud of you and so in love with you. Tomorrow is going to be our special day, just the four of us before your party this weekend. Daddy took off work so we can hang out as a family. I can't believe we are going to wake up to two one year olds tomorrow.

Reliving the last year of our lives through these letters - if there was anything I could do differently the only thing I'd go back and tell myself was to soak it all in and not get so caught up in the tired and the lonely. Cause let's be honest guys, you're awesome, but this was a lot of work and I was here all by myself. But now looking back on it all, now that it's gone, I realize it all happened in the blink of an eye. And really, I wouldn't change a second of it.

Happy Birthday my loves.

Reese and Ryan's First Birthday and Cake Smash Pictures

2012-01-11T18:53:00.001-05:00

November 2011

2012-01-10T22:04:00.002-05:00

I think this has been the hardest message to write you guys so far. This month was really only a few weeks ago, but looking at the pictures and reliving your "firsts" from November, well it might as well have been years ago. So much has changed since then. Your faces even look different to me. It breaks my heart to see so clearly how fast you are growing.

Reesie, you really started to break out of your shell in November. You started developing funky little mannerisms (Reese-isms) that are so you. These things make my day. Your predictable unpredictablility - like crossing your legs when you eat, booty popping when you dance (who taught you that anyway?!) and giggling like a maniac when I ask for a high-five and then pounding my hand with yours 250 times.

Ry, you were the worm master this month. And considering your belly never left the ground you got around quite quickly. You started getting on your knees and rocking...and you also started pulling up from your knees to standing. The only problem is that you didn't know how to get down/fall. I can't tell you how many nights I found you jumping up and down in your crib, crying because you stood up when we laid you down and got stuck there. You'd cry because you were so tired and you were finally ready to go to bed, but you couldn't. Ha. You're such a nerd.

At ten months, I'm pretty sure you guys grew hollow legs. Our grocery bill is seriously over $200 a week. I've never seen two tiny humans eat like you two before. A typical lunch was a sandwich, a piece of fruit, a string cheese, crackers and berries. That's a lot of food, kiddos!

Reese you started getting naughty with your food by pretending to eat. You would put food in your mouth chew it for a second or two and when you thought I wasn't looking you'd spit it into your hand and feed it to the dog. Again, where do you learn this from? I'm pretty sure this is why Gracie likes you better than Ryan :)

Ry, this month you started sharing your food. You'd get such a kick out of feeding me and Daddy. So often we'd have to remind you that you had to eat yourself because you'd become obsessed with feeding us instead.

You guys were pros at drinking from cups - sippies, straw sippies and open cups - but your favorite cup is the straw sippy by far. I think at ten months drinking from a straw was the highlight of your life, Ryan :) Your eyes would get wide and you'd start shaking with excitement.

At ten months, you had four words Reese - hi, mama, daddy and nyny (Ryan). You loved to read and would crawl to your book rack, pull down a book and fake cry until I came over to read to you. Your favorite kind of books were the kind where you can lift the flap.

Ryan, when we read the lift the flap books, you'd crawl over and read with us. And you'd try to "lift the flaps" and instead you'd end up ripping the flaps out of the books. You're such a meatball. This would make your sister so mad. Ha!

As much as you were rough and tumble, loving to be thrown and tearing pages out of books, you are also my sweet and sensitive boy. Affectionate as the day is long. You are the best kisser ever. And so generous with the kisses. When Laurie came to watch you, you'd kiss her for the first five minutes she was here.

By November your hair was out of control Ry! You looked like a feather pencil. We took you to get your first haircut. What a handsome little guy you are. You're new haircut was so dapper.

Socially, wherever your sister is is where you want to be. You love playing with her and sharing toys with her. I loved watching you guys lean over a toy together. Opening and closing the lid on your keyboard or mini laptops. Or clanking two stacking cups together or chasing after a ball and laughing. I loved laying on the floor of the playroom and letting you guys attack me. Or sitting in your big kid chairs with both of you on my laps while we read books. You guys loved turning the pages, and I loved feeling your tiny cold hands rub my arms while I read to you.

In November we celebrated your first Thanksgiving. You guys got sick for the very first time. Ry, you were sick through the holiday and you hardly ate anything on Thanksgiving, I felt so bad for you because you could tell you were hungry too. Reese, I've never felt worse for you. You didn't get sick until the day after Thanksgiving, but your fever was so high and you were terrified. I held you for 24 hours straight while you woke up, cried and went back to sleep on my chest. I sat in the tub with you trying to break your fever. I slept sitting up because it was the only way you were comfortable. My heart ached for you.

As we get closer to your big day I keep thinking, don't grow up babies. I keep trying to remind myself to memorize the way your tiny fingertips feel on my skin, the way your heads perfectly fit into the nook of my neck, these times when I'm able to pick you both up and hug you and carry you up for your naps, just the three of us.

Your tininess is slipping through my fingers and I'm watching you become big kids right before my eyes. And I know as much as I'll miss all of these special moments, that the next part of our lifetime is going to be just as amazing as the last year has been.

October 2011

2012-01-09T23:48:00.000-05:00

Welp, October proved that you two are definitely our kids. You absolutely loved the fall - the weather, playing with the leaves outside, picking apples and pumpkins and (best of all) Halloween.

At the beginning of the month Aunt Vicki came up for my birthday and we took you guys apple picking again. With your little tooth nubbins you guys were really able to bite off bits! And you absolutely loved pulling apples from the trees and loved eating the apples you pulled off the trees even more.

After we picked more apples than we could carry we took you guys up to the market at the farm for your first sips of apple cider and your first bites of cider donuts. Reese you loved the cider and you were pretty happy with those sugar coated donuts too. But Ry, you didn't like the donut crust. Ha! You're totally my kid. I had to peel the fried crust away for you and feed you the soft cake part. High maintenance little boy you are.

We went home and made a bunch of applesauce and made short work of eating all those apples we picked.

Life really started getting easier this month! I remember thinking that eight months was really hard, since you guys weren't too mobile at the beginning of the month and you were very frustrated by that. Once you could move and point at an object you wanted, gosh life got easier! Nine months was when you really started turning into little people.

Ry, for a while there you were doing the worm as your primary means of mobility. Much to Daddy's delight, you started rocking on all fours in October. He never gave up hope that you would crawl "like a normal kid" (his words, not mine!!). From the beginning you were much more aggressive and deliberate with your attempts at mobility. You weren't afraid to fall, and you threw your arms out in attempts to learn how to get around with reckless abandon. While you were more aggressive and more fearless, you were also more frustrated (read: you screamed a lot back then). Sigh. Thankfully that was a short phase. Now you scream for much different reasons ;)

By nine months you were cruising the furniture and toys with ease, Puff. I thought for sure you'd be walking by Halloween (and then by Thanksgiving...and then by Christmas...and then by your first birthday). Girlfriend, you are a fraidy cat. But you are so stable on your feet that when you do finally let go you're going to RUN!

One thing that really changed this month was your interaction with one another. You guys were so focused on what the other was doing/playing with/eating. Forget it! If Reese had strawberries, Ry there was no way I was going to get you to eat anything other than strawberries. If Ryan had a block, that was the block you wanted Reese. No matter how many other blocks there were.

You guys would wrestle for things and chase each other like crazy. Because Reesie was crawling on all fours (and was quite nimble) if she wanted something Ry, she generally got it and managed to keep it from you. But once in a while you caught her and when you did, you're size was definitely your advantage!

By October we were officially on table foods! You both mastered the pincer grasp and loved showing off your ability to pick up single blueberries. You'd eat a whole pint one at a time. And you were so proud of yourselves with each berry you picked up!

Bug you were trouble on two legs, pulling, standing, climbing and exploring the world around you. For some reason you got really shy this month and seemed to clam up in front of new people. Whereas Ryan, became extremely social.

One thing that really made you both come out of your shells was our Mommy and Me class! We started going to classes and you got to play with other kids and sing songs and do crafts and you really broke free from the shyness. It was so cool to see you guys interact with other kids and see how your personalities flip flopped. Ryan became my little extrovert and Reese you became really shy and cautious. I couldn't believe it, my little bossy pants gave up being the alpha dog! Ha.

We got to celebrate your Daddy's birthday this month. You guys got him an awesome Kelty backpack so he could take you guys hiking with him. He couldn't wait to test it out. We took you on your first hike later that week and, as predicted, Ryan you fell dead asleep.

I got to wear you in my carrier, Reesie, and you went bananas! You were kicking and giggling and pointing like crazy. You are such an outdoors girl and you are so full of life and wonder. The simplest thing, like a leaf falling from a tree is so amazing to you. You've reminded me, so many times that it's the simple things in life that are the most important and the most beautiful.

We also got to take some family pictures in October. I can't explain to you what it was like to see those pictures when we got them. To look at them and know this beautiful family was mine. I'm the luckiest Mommy ever.

At the end of the month we got to celebrate Halloween. I worked feverishly on your costumes. I wanted your first Halloween (as I do with all of your firsts) to be so special. I wanted you to feel how loved you were. You guys were the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood and gosh you loved getting dressed in your costumes and posing. You were such hams for the camera.

It made every time I stuck myself with a needle and every seam I sewed wrong and then had to seam rip and resew (over and over again) worth it. Everything I do for you guys is worth it. I hope that every day of your lives I make you feel loved and special. I hope that over your lifetimes I can give back to you all that you've given to me. You've given a meaning and a joy to my life that I never knew was possible. I love you both so much. I can't believe we're two days away from your first birthday...

The Lollipop Guild

2012-01-09T11:20:00.002-05:00

With the babies' party being less than a week away, we've gone into overdrive getting the house ready for company and finishing up last minute party projects. Everything in our house happens in twin time, so I started putting together the DIY stuff about a month ago to make sure we'd get it all done in time.

This weekend, the kids and I set about building our lollipop displays. These kids are into everything these days. Always wanting to help and join in the fun.

To make the stands I used flower arrangement blocks (floral foam?) that I had leftover from my cutting garden displays this summer. I wrapped the foam in turquoise wrapping paper and then just stuck the lollies straight into the blocks.

I found these adorable snowflake stickers on clearance at Michael's right before Christmas and I picked them up since they went with our theme and our colors, but I had no idea how I'd put them to use. The lollipops ended up being the perfect solution.

I'm going to try to get all of the early baking and decorating done between now and Wednesday so I can actually enjoy the babies' birthday (Thursday) with them. I'm really excited about their party. I can't wait to see how it all comes together. Right now it's all just a million ideas swirling in my head.

* no child labor laws were broken in the making of this post :)

September 2011

2012-01-08T23:43:00.005-05:00

McMonkeys, by eight months your personalities were really emerging! You would reach to Daddy and I for us to pick you up, which was so awesome. There is nothing like seeing that for the first time. Reesie you went through a little stranger danger phase and you only wanted me. I felt bad for anyone that tried to hold you, because you would lose your mind. But I secretly didn't mind that you only wanted me to hold you. I used to dream about being a baby's safety person and I was gladly that for you!

Mobility finally entered our house at eight months. While we were in Nantucket you crawled for the first time Reese! By the end of the month you were an expert. You could go from sitting to crawling and crawling to sitting, but once you figured out how to crawl you took off and never wanted to stop. And boy, did you get fast! Poor Gracie never stood a chance. As soon as you took off, the only thing you wanted to do was grab that poor dog's tail. She was so patient with you, you guys love each other so much.

{ Daddy put you to work! }

Not long after you started crawling you figured out how to crawl to the couch and the coffee table and pull yourself up to standing. Uh-oh! Once you could stand, you were quite content to cruise the furniture or walk while holding on to us or a toy. I was certain you'd be an early walker. But you've been too cautious to let go.

Ry, you were still in the rolling phase, and with sissy's new talent you certainly had no motivation to move! She'd cruise by and bring you toys. You could sit in the same spot in the playroom and have a wealth of toys handed to you for hours. You were rolling like a madman though, and after months of forcing you back to your back while sleeping you were finally back to being a belly sleeper and you started sleeping longer and happier as a result! I wish I wouldn't have fought that so badly at the beginning. First time mom craziness.

Daddy and I took you guys to Nantucket at the beginning of September. It's probably our favorite place on Earth. We spent our what was left of our honeymoon there after getting evacuated from our real honeymoon by a category 5 hurricane and we've been back annually since. We've dreamed of the day we would take you to Dionis Beach and dip your piggies in the surf. You loved it!

Reese you were a crawling fool, digging in the sand. Ry, you just dug with your toes from the blanket. You guys ate more sand than I care to recount. Your grandma was so stressed about the sand eating, but you've got to pick your battles and that was one war I wasn't going to win.

While we were in Nantucket you had your first bite of lobster and Ryan tried to sneak his first beer too!

We had some of the worst weather we've ever had while vacationing there, which was a major bummer. But one thing was quite clear from our few days out of the house -- you guys are beach babies! Just like your Momma!

Gracie loves the beach too, and you guys got such a kick out of watching her dig in the sand and swim in the ocean. You even "threw" her ball for her a few times and she'd run (two inches) after it and bring it back to you. You guys are going to have so much fun there next summer. I already can't wait!!

In September you both babbled up a storm, but Reese you had your first first actual words -- "mama" and "dada". It was clear you didn't associate those words with us just yet, but hearing mumumum mama, made my heart swell.

You were both masters of finger foods and while you loved all food, Miss Reese, you only actually got food into your mouth about 80% of the time. Eating was a mess for a while.

Ry, you were still the finickiest little eater in the world, but you were amazing with the pincer grasp and your coordination was unreal! You would pick up each morsel of food and examine it throughly before putting it into your mouth. Ha! What a crack up you were (you still are!).

RyRy, I have to say eight months was one of my favorite months as your mom so far. You became quite the lover then. You could actually act on your desire to give hugs and kisses and it was pretty much all you wanted to do. Every time I'd get you from your crib after a nap or in the morning you'd pull me in so tight and hold me so hard. You're still like this, but you want to get playing a lot quicker than you did back then. And you gave kisses, oh so many kisses!

We also took you guys apple picking for the first time. Puff, we always knew you loved animals and you have always gone to great lengths to pet them. But our time apple picking showed you are generally fearless (almost a little too fearless!) when it comes to your four legged friends.

At the apple farm near our house they have a petting zoo. You were reaching into the fence to touch the cows and the sheep and even the goat (who tried to eat your shoe!) Your Daddy kept feeding the animals grass and you were giggling and screeching and reaching your little fingers and arms out as far as you could to pet them. You were cute as a button.

Ry, you ate your apple and then slept through the entire petting zoo! Ha.

The fall is when things really started getting fun, and time really started flying. I remember it all like it was going in fast forward. You guys still looked like babies in these pictures. It's hard to believe they were only taken four months ago.

When I was a little girl, Grandma used to say to me "no matter how big you get, you'll always be my little baby". I always thought that was silly to say. Of course I wouldn't be a baby. Seeing you growing up so fast before my eyes; well, I get it now.

August 2011

2012-01-07T23:51:00.001-05:00

Miss Reese, you really took off this month. You figured out how to go from the crawl position to sitting -- of course you love practicing your new tricks in the slippery tub during bathtime. Enough to give your Momma a heart attack. You got up on all fours and started to rock, I thought for sure you'd take right off, but like all of your milestones, you are very quick to master the mechanics and very slow to actually execute on what you know.

Ryan, you had just started rolling with regularity. We tried so hard to get you to get on all fours and assist your crawling, but you just laid there like a chalk outline. A cute outline, though.

You guys were both sprouting teeth like crazy. Reese your top two were just about out and Ry you had four teeth by the end of the month. You loved your new top teeth so much that you would grind them all. the. time. Oh gosh, I am so glad that stage is over!!

At 7 months I decided it was time to move to three meals a day. Since we hadn't really practiced too much with finger foods, I decided that your new "lunch" would be all finger foods for practice. This way if you ended up dropping a lot of stuff you wouldn't be missing a regular meal that you were used to. Puff, you've always been my good little eater (although you've gotten much more assertive about what you want to eat and don't want to eat now) and you took to finger foods right away.

Ry, you were a pain in the arse. Oh lordy boy, what you didn't put us through back then with your food. You've always been funny about foods with different textures and you would spit your food in our faces. I would slave over the stove on weekends making you guys these crazy concoctions of organic everything. You guys ate better than Daddy and I and we'd get to lunch (or breakfast or dinner) and you'd just spit in my face. You're lucky I love you as much as I do!

By seven months you guys figured out how to hold your own bottles as well. That was so awesome. It meant that the four or five times a day that you were drinking milk my hands were free to do things like empty the dishwasher or fold laundry. It's amazing what you can do with an extra hour in your day!

You guys started mastering milestones and grasping your world at a much quicker pace. It was amazing to watch. Reese, by seven months you could recongize your own name (and all of your hundred nicknames, you poor kid), you knew who Ryan, Mommy, Daddy and Gracie were. Ry you pretty much only responded to your own name, but gosh did you love to hear it. I made up the Ryan song for you when you were born and you'd light up whenever I'd sing it.

You each could sit unassisted (out of the tripod). But my favorite part of seven months was that you figured out how to hug and kiss voluntarily. You both were very generous with your kisses. Big open mouthed, wet ones. Reese, you also loved giving these kisses to Gracie (much to my chagrin!).

You both turned into such chatterboxes. Our house was so full of life. Reese you were our screamer. You screamed when you were happy, sad, tired, when someone looked at you. Girl, did you scream. Boy, oh boy.

Ry, you were quite the chatterbox too, but in a much quieter way. When you got tired you'd start to moan until you drifted off to sleep. Before we put the mirrors on the car's headrests Daddy and I would always know you were falling asleep because of your moaning. Another thing you started doing when you got tired was giggling. We'd call it entering into crazytown. We could just be a few minutes past your nap time and all of a sudden your eyes would get wide and buggy and you would start to laugh at every and anything. We'd know we were in trouble then!

And speaking of sleep, you were quite the narcoleptic little boy. Daddy and I love to run in the summer and we went on a lot of runs as a family in August. As soon as the wheels were in motion, no matter how recently you'd napped, you'd fall asleep.

{ Daddy told me he was keeping you warm :) }

Not you Puff, you loved our daily runs. On days that I was feeling really good and I'd hit a groove and start running faster you would kick your legs and squeal and giggle in delight. You're a great motivator kid!

In August we joined a Kindermusik class. Laurie would come babysit one of you and the other would go to school with me. Reesie you loved music class. It was through that class that your little personality really started to shine. You were a baby I hadn't seen before. It made me realize the value and importance of giving you guys individualized attention and time outside of our house.

We were regularly taking daily baths and you guys turned into our little waterbabies. You loved rolling around and crawling and playing with your toys. At the end of the month Uncle Bobby came into town and we took you guys to Victoria Pool for the first time. All that time in the tub really paid off. You guys were swimming fools that day. Not an ounce of fear!

We also got to take you guys to Vermont where we visited the Orvis store and you saw your first trout. How cool it was to see you guys watch the fish and recognize that something in the water was moving. The giggles over those fish were priceless.

Afterward we went to the marble quarry (the oldest quarry in the country!) and Gracie went for a swim. You guys thought her launching herself into the water was the coolest thing you had ever seen. You squealed in delight the whole time.

With all of your new awareness and energy we really got to get out and enjoy our lives with you guys. Farmers markets on the weekends (where you got to actually eat some of the food with us!), your first sips of fresh lemonade and bites of fresh watermelon, dining al fresco, swimming in pools, sunning in the backyard.

We were outside all of the time and you guys couldn't get enough. What a great summer we had. One of so many more to come.

July 2011

2012-01-06T23:19:00.000-05:00

We took you guys to Grammy Jayne and Grandpa Colonel's farm for July Fourth. You absolutely loved their peach trees Ryan. Well, loved pulling the peaches off the trees, anyway. Grammy and Grandpa put up swings for you and you were so delighted. We had wonderful weather while we were there and you both got to spend time with your Great Grandma.

Grandma and Grandpa also set up a kiddy pool for you guys to splash in, you were ridiculously cute in your first bathing suits.

We got you all decked out in festive outfits and hung out on the patio and barbequed. It was a pretty relaxing weekend. Back in those days, Ry, you used to massage your head when you were eating. You also moaned. LOUDLY. I have a video of that too. We'll have to watch it together...with your prom date someday :)

Shortly after we got home Reesie, you hit another milestone. Unassisted sitting. Well, you were doing more of a tripod, but we were so very proud! By the end of this month you were both sitting in a tripod. I know I keep saying it, but such BIG babies. You were so proud of your new skills.

Summer was fully here and we got to play outside all the time. Gracie was gracious enough to share her pool with you guys. The bumbos came in handy a lot back then. You guys loved having your toes in the cool pool water. Given that it's about 14 degrees outside right now, I could sure go for some July weather!

You guys really worked me to the bone last summer. You were very awake by now, and you wanted constant contact and attention. Your inability to really be mobile and communicate frustrated you (and me) to no end. I felt so bad for you guys. It's not so easy to console two crying babies. But the three of us spent many afternoons walking around together, me holding the both of you while bouncing and singing and loving you with all that I had to give.

One good thing about your crying was I was able to get some good shots of your new teeth! Two each! And Ryan you were working on your top two by then.

Reese you had crazy Cindy Lou Who hair back then. I guess for some babies (like your brother) they are born with hair and that hair falls out and new hair grows back. Well, some of your hair fell out. But some of the original hairs you were born with never fell out, they just grew and grew and grew! I swear some were 8" long! It was crazy. I'm not the best photographer, so it's not easy for me to get pictures of things like this, but I tried my hardest.

Your face was so much rounder and smooshier back then. Gosh, you are such a little girl now, I had forgotten this baby face! After your six monthday, Daddy and I took you to get your ears pierced. You were such a trooper, you laughed instead of crying. And you were so good about letting me clean and take care of your ears every day.

Even though the weather had finally broken and the sun was out, the days seemed much longer back then. Probably because you guys were awake SO much. We would take walks during the day to get outside, but I was always worried about messing up your naps. So to help fill time we did A LOT of photo shoots. I would spend the afternoon bathing you, dressing you up and taking pictures of you and it was exactly enough time to get us from one nap to another. I'm so glad I did this then too, because now I can't get you guys to sit still long enough to take your pictures!

By July you guys were interacting with each other all of the time. Constantly reaching for one another, sharing and stealing toys, holding hands, laughing and giggling.

You were both rolling fools by then. You could both manipulate objects with both hands and you both discovered you had feet! You loved to chew on your toes and grab your ankles. Ryan you were very shy and cautious back then. Whenever we took you somewhere new you would hide your face and bury it into our shoulders. Puff, you were just the opposite. You were like "look at me world, here I am". You were constantly touching new things and new people and exploring as much as you could.

Ry, you were obsessed with the exersaucer and Reesie was a jumping fool. You would seriously jump for a half hour at a time. And laugh every second!

When Daddy and I talk about what your lives will be like, we are always so shocked at the idea that you guys will never know of a world without the other one in it. What a cool thing and what an unbelievable gift.

You are both our gifts. And if you end up being our only children, we are so happy to have given you the gift of each other as well. We love you both so very much. Thank you for being our babies.

Let's Get Smashed

2012-01-06T11:59:00.000-05:00

I was originally going to have two tiny cakes made by a local bakery for the kids' smash cakes and then I saw this picture and fell in love with the rainbow sprinkles.

Source: iheartfaces.com via nikinikinine on Pinterest

I remembered seeing pictures of a little girl's birthday party with DIY cupcake cakes on another blog. After a little googling, I located the original picture along with instructions on how to DIY their cakes. A trip to Target and $13 later and I had the ingredients I needed to make two cakes, with frosting, candy cupcake liners and sprinkles. My DIY projects don't always turn out to be cheaper than an in-store purchase so by all accounts this project was a success before it even got started.

Source: flythroughourwindow.com via nikinikinine on Pinterest

Source: ohsugarcakes.blogspot.com via nikinikinine on Pinterest

The majority of the instructions were spot on and I was thankful...until I got to the shell liner.

Those candy shells dry ridiculously fast. As I was spreading my shell liner it started to harden and I started to panic. Since the cupcake pan can't go in the microwave I decided to make a double boiler in my sink to attempt to soften the candy.

If you're a quick thinker you know that this was a very bad idea. The candy just ended up getting very wet, which sent me into a greater panic. What a nightmare. A few paper towels and deep breaths later all was right in the candy shell world again.

The moral of that story is spread and spread quick.

My inner OCD kicked in when I was trying to evenly distribute my ~~drying too god damned fast~~ candy shell and instead of creating a smooth and even surface, I created a liner that looked like it had been etched out of stone with a chisel. Thankfully I learned my lesson for the second cupcake and the result was much smoother. The key the second time around was heating the candy for an extra 45 seconds so it was a bit hotter, and therefore took longer to cool and set.

{ frankenstein cupcake liner }

{ a much smoother looking round 2 }

Thankfully the outsides of both cupcake liners came out just fine. I was nervous that the uneven surface in the first one would make the cupcake sit in there funny, but it wasn't an issue at all. They only thing I didn't do well enough was tapping the air bubbles out. Some of my shell (on the outside part) is not smooth. Thank goodness, they're just going to smash them up anyway! I had to cut off the a few inches of cake that stuck out from the liners. Since I'm decorating the cupcakes at the studio today, this is the closest that they'll look to finished inside of our house.

The kids' pictures are later this afternoon. I can't wait to see how they come out! I'm hoping our photographer will email me a sneak peak pic tonight.

June 2011

2012-01-05T23:01:00.095-05:00

Five months. Wowzer, babies. You were five months old. And boy did you start to get fun. Both of you started laughing this month. Not just smiling, but actually responding to something with a full on belly laugh. Daddy and I would go to great lengths to get you to laugh. You were probably laughing at the fact that you could make us dance like monkeys.

You guys really started to interact with one another, rolling all about the room after toys. Stealing toys from one another and "wrestling". Ryan, you also went through a phase where you sucked Reese's thumb.

This month we also introduced you to Baby Einstein. You guys LOVED Baby Einstein (you still do!).

Ry-guy, you were still having some major trouble with nap time. You loved to sleep as long as you were in our bed or cuddling with us. Your Daddy was gracious enough to get you out of your crib in the morning and cuddle with you on the couch (notice the Ferber book on the coffee table?) Yup! We sleep trained you this month.

It was so hard to go through that with you guys, but so worth it in the end because you are such good little sleepers now! And, of course, it helped when your teeth finally came in again!

The weather was warm and we finally got to really play outside. And boy did you guys love the change in scenery (and so did I)!

The best part about June in New York is that the mornings are still cool enough to sit outside and relax. Every weekend Daddy and I made a pot of coffee and took you guys outside with us. We'd put you in your bouncy seats and sit outside and just relax as a family. And, of course, we'd dream big dreams about all the things our life was becoming.

Warm weather also means Daddy playing summer league lacrosse. As soon as he could Ryan, he got a stick into your hands. He was so very proud of you because you held the stick with the right grip (on your own!) and you were so happy to wear Daddy's gloves and hold his stick. He has high hopes that you and sissy will be excellent ball players some day. (Or at least just love the sport as much as he does.)

You guys were doing so well with solids that you graduated from your bumbos with their trays to actual high chairs. My goodness, thinking about it now, I can't remember a time when you weren't in a high chair! So much of our current day revolves around you eating, me cooking and me cleaning up from you eating. Ha!

{ those seats swallowed you up! }

We also went on our first family vacation. Ask your Daddy about this vacation. He'll tell you it's the vacation where Mommy threw a temper tantrum.

Like all vacations that we take, something had to go wrong. Very, very wrong. (By they way, ask your Daddy about the time he told me we didn't need passports to go to the Bahamas...that's a good story!)

We were supposed to leave for North Carolina on a Friday on a direct flight that took off at 7:10 p.m. Perfect since that's when you guys normally got your bedtime bottle (which would help with your ears popping from the altitude) and also perfect because it meant that you would likely sleep through the entire flight.

Your grandparents came into town on Thursday to watch you guys while we packed and they also picked up Wonder Dog to take her back to the farm with them for a few weeks.

We managed to get everything on our list packed with no issues. The suitcases were just under 50 pounds each. You guys ate and napped well during the day and were running perfectly on schedule. All tell-tale signs that something was about to give!

Just before heading out to the airport I got an email from Delta alerting us that our flight had been delayed 90 minutes. Not ideal, but not the worst thing since we hadn't even left the house yet. Well...that was the first of SIX phone calls we got delaying our flight. They last call delayed our flight until almost 3 a.m. Unacceptable! Daddy called the airline while I went to grab dinner. He had me on his cell phone and the airline on the house phone.

We were both frustrated and tired! We found out our flight was cancelled altogether until the next morning. And I did the unthinkable. I told Daddy to cancel our trip and get our money back...and he did. And then I picked up our dinner, came home and proceeded to cry my stinking eyes out. I blame postpartum hormones. Or something. Because kids, I lost my mind. I believe I uttered things like "I'm never leaving this house again" and "the world is conspiring against me" and "all I wanted was a break...A VACATION."

Your Daddy (who deserves a medal, by the way) got on the phone with Delta, made up a fabulous story about how we got disconnected while trying to rebook our flight and managed to get us on a new flight two days later with only a minimal fee. And away we went.

Truth be told, once we were on vacation it wasn't all that exciting. We decided we did not want to live in North Carolina (or move you guys there) which was the overall purpose for the trip. And since you guys were still little and newly on a schedule and still nursing, we hung out close to our hotel room and only left for short periods of time. I'll tell you guys, vacations with kiddies aren't at all like vacations. Ha!

Of course on our last day of vacation, Miss Reese you decided to start planking. A huge step toward mobility. Gosh you were getting so big. So BIG!

And as hard as a vacation with 5 month old twins was, Daddy and I had so much fun with you guys. We kept saying that we can't wait until you guys are older so we can take you guys cool places and show you the world. It's so fun to see things through your eyes. I feel like we really started living the day you were born. It's been an adventure ever since.

(If, after reading this, anyone feels compelled to send my husband booze or their condolences, please email me for my address.)

May 2011

2012-01-04T23:24:00.002-05:00

Cheeky monkeys, May was a GARGANTUAN month for you. Oy, you got so big this month, I could hardly believe it. For starters, we were finally on a schedule. Three naps, yippie! A schedule meant that you had regular feeding times and play times too. And play we did. Since Daddy and I transitioned you to your cribs for naptime, we were pretty much done with the swings. I'm not going to lie, I cried a little when we packed your swings away. It felt like the tiny in you was disappearing.

We had baby circuit training down to a science - bouncy chairs, jumperoo, exersaucer, playmat. It was around this time that Daddy and I realized we needed more space and started finishing the basement! Ryan, Uncle Bobby put your exersaucer together when he was here visiting. And I say your exersaucer because you fell instantly and madly in love with that toy. You guys were interacting more with the hanging parts of your playmat and, much to my surprise with each other as well.

It was like all of a sudden you realized that there was another baby there. You would look at each other and laugh. Reach for each other. Hold hands. It was everything I imagined having twins would be.

By May you had started rolling too, Ryan. One day we woke up and we had two babies rolling across the room. Crazy cakes. Rolling gave you both such joy, it was like a newfound freedom and you couldn't get enough.

As I said, Uncle Bobby was here and so was Aunt Vicki! Because in May you guys were baptized. The priest that married Daddy and I performed your baptism on the same altar that we exchanged vows, which was so very special. I meticulously planned every last detail, including "the perfect outfits".

Our church did baptisms in small groups and while we were all sitting there in the church waiting to be called up to the altar for your blessing the worst thing that could happen to a white outfit happened. Ry, you poor thing, you had been backed up for a few days. Well, in the middle of service you started to grunt and turn red and we heard you push and then PHEW the smell. Oh the smell, baby, it was so bad. Daddy and I looked at one another and agreed it was probably small enough to wait until your blessing. It was almost our turn. And then you started grunting and pushing again! And another loud noise (in a very quiet church, I might add!) and another stink. Oh my god. It was BAD. And then another grunt and another red face and another stink. And by then I threw the diaper bag to Grandma and she and Daddy got up and all but ran with you out the back of the church.

Of course, exactly as they got up to leave Father Kelly called your names. I walked up to the altar with sissy and told Father Kelly that you had had a bit of an incident and he replied, "I heard". How very embarassing. Little man, you managed to completely blow out your diaper and shit up your own back. Oh it was bad. Brown on white, ass to ankle and halfway up your back. Daddy and Grandma did their best to fix you up and in the end, they covered your poop stains with a burp cloth and brought you back to the altar. If you look very closely in all of the pictures, you have a cloth against your body protecting us from your poop.

We had a wonderful party after your baptism and you got to meet a lot of your great aunts and uncles that day. It was also a very special day for me, my first Mother's Day.

{ the flowers you guys got me in my favorite color! }

I couldn't think of a better way to spend it, than throwing a party for you guys.

May in New York means it's finally stopped snowing. We took you guys outside a lot that and you loved the grass. The looks on your faces when the grass brushed your fingers and feet. Grass had never been so awesome. Daddy and I would mow the lawn twice a week with you guys strapped to us in carriers and you'd just sleep and sleep. The neighbors definitely thought we were bonkers. Two adults, wearing two babies, pushing two lawn mowers. I'm sure we were a sight.

The one thing about the weather here in the spring is that it's fairly inconsistent. And you guys were awake a lot. So we started taking daily baths and you guys were smitten from the beginning. Back then, you didn't splash and crawl and play like you do now. But you loved the bubbles and dipping your fingers and toes in the water.

Speaking of being awake a lot, Mr. Ryan, you confounded us this month. You went from sleeping through the night to waking up several times a night. We couldn't figure out what was wrong. A few weeks went by and Daddy and I were so tired. And then all of a sudden you sprouted two bottom teeth and started sleeping again, you little stinker! In all honesty, you were both teething. Constantly gnawing on your hands and drooling a ton. We just had no idea what teething looked like.

Miss Buggle, you were a perfect sleeper. And you really started to develop quite the personality. Lots of smiles and giggles. You started showing a preference for toys and objects, like Ellie (your blue elephant rattle) and the taggie blanket Grammy Jayne made you.

Toward the end of the month you guys had your first bites of real food. Reese you were a great and happy little eater right from the beginning. Ry, you had to take a lot of convincing. You carefully inspected each bite before opening your mouth, as though we were going to switch what was on the spoon on you.

Once Gracie realized that you guys would play with her and be an avenue for more food, she was hooked on you too. We were all hooked on you. You changed our lives in so many ways. All for the better.

April 2011

2012-01-03T23:12:00.000-05:00

Babies, April is the month that you completely took over our house. This isn't the best picture of your momma, although I really did look that tired and haggard back then (and let's not kid, I still look like that, I am just not as puffy!) Notice all your stuff in the background. A playmat, two swings, a jumperoo and two bouncy chairs. Complete and total invasion!

Grandma came to visit and decided that you guys just had to have your jumperoo out. Of course she put it together wrong and your daddy spent two hours fixing all the mismatched parts. She's a kook sometimes, but putting that jumper together was a great idea. Thus began your love of jumping, Puff.

You guys were so small that we had to tuck blankets in the sides of the jumper and put pillows under your feet. But you loved just dangling there. My little floppy rag dolls.

When you weren't jumping, or laying on your playmats you were napping in your swings. Two swings clicking and classical music blaring. It was our thing back then. We had just started getting on a nap routine and you guys were staying awake for so much longer and starting to nap together.

Life got a lot more interesting for us all this month when you figured out how to roll over, Puffle. It was cute to watch you struggle to turn over. You would try so very hard and your little face would be so strained. Once you nailed it you were *so* proud of yourself. It wasn't too long before you were rolling across the room.

We celebrated your first Easter and you guys were such good sports about wearing your bunny ears. Daddy and I took you to the church we were married in for Mass and the priest was so happy to finally meet you both. You were so well-behaved during the service. Afterward we took you to our favorite spot for Easter brunch.

You looked so perfect in your Easter outfits. I couldn't even believe only a year earlier we had to leave Mass during Easter service because it was so hard for me to see all of the mothers there with their tiny babies. You guys made every one of our dreams come true.

By three months old you guys really started to become tiny people. You recognized our faces when you saw us, you smiled upon recognition, you looked for us as we came into and went out of a room. You were so much more alert!

More awake time in a day meant more time taking pictures of you in cute clothes. Really, it was a great time killer! Those bumbo things were the stupidest purchase ever, even for the $15 we spent on them, but they got a lot of use propping you up for your daily shoots!

While the weather was better, it was still pretty cold so sitting inside and taking pictures was really all we did with our days. That and baby circuit training. My favorite part of three months was your smiles. I was getting so tired and just when I thought I couldn't hang on another day, you both learned how to smile and it gave me enough strength to keep going. Your smiles are still the best part of my day.

March 2011

2012-01-02T23:38:00.003-05:00

Silly little monkeys, looking through these pictures from March was a huge trip down memory lane. There comes a point in parenthood when the days start to blend together and life slows down and speeds up all at the same time. I had forgotten so many parts of this time in your life already. How is that possible?

You guys started to be a lot more awake, which meant there was a lot more time spent consoling the both of you at the same time. You didn't always cry. But there were a lot more hours in the day back then. And a LOT more laundry.

{ one day's worth of bibs and burp cloths! }

As soon as the weather broke 40 degrees we started walking outside. Our neighbors called me brave. I think what they wanted to call me was crazy. But they weren't the ones inside a living room ~~where the walls were closing in on them~~ with two eight week olds.

Thankfully you started to grow to a normal baby size by then Buggle. You were finally able to fit into an infant carrier, which we both loved since you always wanted to be held and I always need a set of free hands.

By March you were also fitting into tiny people clothes, which meant we had a lot of fun dressing you up and taking pictures again. You loved playing dress up from the very beginning. No matter how much you were fussing, as soon as I put you in pretty pretties you were all smiles and funny faces.

You were still struggling with colic and reflux, but by then we figured out the method to your madness. So many days/hours/minutes were spent propping you on your side and the perfect angle, playing classical music at the right volume and pushing your swing at the right speed. But girl, you finally slept and slept comfortably. I felt so guilty back then because you slept so often. I'd play with your brother and watch you sleep peacefully and I thought for sure you'd be so behind as a result. But at the end of this month you woke up. It was like magic, suddenly you weren't fussy, you weren't uncomfortable and you were so alert! And you never fell behind. Not even for a second.

{ notice you're wearing two bibs in this picture, what a mess! }

You were a Daddy's girl back then. And to some extent you still are. Whenever you were sad or tired or frightened or just fussy all you wanted was your Daddy. Just seeing him when he'd come home from work would change your whole disposition.

You had a funny little bald spot (okay, it wasn't so little) across the back of your head from sleeping so much. You had literally rubbed all of your hair away. We thought it would never grow back. How funny to look at your hair now and have to really think hard and long about that bald spot to see it again. Once you woke up, all you wanted to do was stand and practice walking. There you were at 8 and 9 weeks old, just trying to balance and move. We were in awe of you and your super baby strength.

RyRy, while sissy slept, you and I played. You were curious from the day you were born. You absolutely adored your jungle mat and we'd spend hours laying there watching the lights flicker and playing with the fuzzy animals. You were so enamored with lights and shapes that Daddy and I went out and specially bought you a mobile for your crib. The day we set it up I thought you were going to faint from excitement. I'm pretty sure you didn't blink for a whole twenty minutes.

You were the happiest, smiliest baby I had ever seen. But everything new was an enigma to you. You'd focus in on an object and examine it. Your brow would furrow and your forehead would crease. Of course, one of the things that most confused you was my camera and for the longest time everyone thought you were the most serious baby that had ever lived.

Since you were both awake so much more, but it was still very much winter outside we did baby calisthenics inside the house. We had our very own circuit in the living room and the nursery. We'd start out on the playmat, then switch to bumbos, then you'd go watch the mobile in Ryan's crib, and then we'd move to the swings. Occasionally you'd also play in your bouncy chairs. This was our life for many, many weeks.

I tried really hard to get you two to interact with each other then, but you really had no idea the other baby was there. Now I can't imagine a time when you weren't playing together.

March was also the month that Gracie finally stopped hiding in our closet. I guess she finally figured that you guys were here to stay (and that you weren't so scary after all). Every once in a while she'd walk through the living room and give you both kisses. And whenever you napped she laid next to you as close as she could.

{ even if that meant laying on top of you! }

We celebrated St. Patty's Day with an impromptu photo session, that captured what life was like with the both of you quite well. Ironically, now your personalities have completely flip-flopped and you're the one that fusses Ryan!

Toward the end of the month, we took you up to Syracuse for Daddy's locker room dedication. He was so proud to hold you both in front of his locker and to show you off to all of his coaches and teammates. You attended your first lacrosse game and LOVED it. We were terrified that you'd be scared with all of the lights and the people and the noise. But you were in hog heaven.

We were starting to settle into our routine as a family of four. Not that life was more manageable. But we were actually getting used to the idea that this was our new life. It was a lot of work back then and I remember wondering if we'd ever leave the house again. I couldn't remember if I had brushed my teeth or showered. You guys were every second of my every day. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat though.

February 2011

2012-01-01T21:22:00.000-05:00

In February we continued in our pattern with a lot of sleeping. Again, this was more you guys and not so much daddy and I. You both had terrible reflux and our house was filled with burp cloths. Wherever we laid you, we put a cloth diaper under your heads. In your crib we had a felt pad, a mattress pad and a cloth diaper. And trust me, we needed all three.

By the time you were a month old, you both decided you were done with swaddling. You loved sleeping with your arms above your heads and being able to wiggle around. Right around the time you were five weeks old, we moved you to your cribs for sleeping. I'd like to say it was for some altruistic purpose, but really it was because Ryan moaned and groaned and grunted in his sleep, making it really hard for me to stay asleep overnight. Every little noise you made, Ry would make me jump to check on you. But you guys did great in your room.

Aside from moving to the nursery we had two major milestones in February. The first is that you both lost your umbilical cords! What a yucky thing to accidentally discover. Thankfully yours fell off when daddy was on duty Reese. But Ry, yours fell off in my hand. First I thought I broke you (well, broke your cord anyway) and then I realized the time had come for it to give way. There was a few minutes of panic there though, I won't lie!

The second is that you both outgrew the clothes we took you home from the hospital in. My heart broke just a little the night I put you in those jams for the last time. Especially because when we took you home in these pj's we had to roll up the sleeves and fold the feet up to get you into your winter bunting. You were growing so quickly.

Since you both were still nursing back then, your weight was something I was always worried about. I probably drove your daddy (and everyone else too) nuts with all of the logs I kept of your feeding times and diapers. Daddy supported my craziness and even tried to help me weigh you guys at home.

I tried to make a routine and get us out of the house as often as possible back then, but it was winter and I was alone with you both all of the time. Just getting the three of us ready to leave for a quick walk around the mall or a store would take five hours. You were such good sports, letting me sponge bathe you and dress you and schlep you outside. I like to think that you enjoyed the fresh air too.

Since we were limited by your feeding schedule and the weather, I spent a lot of time dressing you up in clothes that people sent us and staging photo shoots. We killed a lot of time playing dress up in those days.

Daddy went back to work full time at the end of January. All three of us really looked forward to him getting home and each night he came home he took advantage of snuggling with you both. You guys are still the first things he runs to when he walks through the door.

Reese, you were still struggling with colic and much like Daddy's ingenious ideas for weighing you, he also came up with a good idea for helping to settle you when you were upset.

Right around this time you started being much more alert and aware of your surroundings, Ry. It was a lot of fun introducing you to your bouncy chair and the lights. The first time I strapped on the activity bar you spastically swatted at the toys and lights. You were only able to sit in that chair with the lights for a few minutes at a time, but boy did you love it.

I remember sitting down each night and looking through all of the pictures I took that day with your Daddy and marveling at how BIG you were getting. Now, looking at you, I can hardly remember you being that tiny.

We had just started to get to know you as people. Know what each face and noise meant, how you liked to be held and when you liked to be held. Where and how you liked to sleep. By February we had hit our stride and we felt like we had this parenting thing figured out, and each and every time we figured something out you guys grew and changed and kept us on our toes. But each new change meant we got to know you a little more. I'm amazed at the little people you have become, and I know we haven't even scratched the surface yet.

January 2011

2011-12-31T23:55:00.001-05:00

Oh dear little babies, you are not so little anymore. Just sorting through pictures of from one year ago brought me to tears. Your faces are the same, but not the same at all. I can remember every second of your delivery. I can remember exactly what I was thinking when I saw your sweet little faces for the first time.

I can remember hearing you cry for the first time, Ryan. I asked your daddy if this was all real. If you were real. If this was really happening. Feeling you leave my body and hearing your tiny voice for the first time was a complete out of body experience. I honestly never thought I'd get to be a mother. It has been a joy and a blessing. Every day I am thankful.

When it was your turn to be delivered Reese, I was so tired. I pushed even without contractions. I just wanted to see you, to know you were okay. When your head crowned, the doctor turned you and your daddy could see your face. You opened your eyes right away. I remember asking your daddy what you looked like. He could only cry and respond "she's beautiful". Little girl you are beautiful. Every single part of you.

The night we took you home from the hospital it was 9 degrees. We had you bundled so tightly and getting out of the maternity ward was such a debacle since you both had microchipped ankle bracelets and at least a dozen layers on top of your tiny limbs. Daddy and I had no idea how to get you into your car seats. The hospital staff kept trying to make me sit in a wheelchair and I had to put them in their places and let them know your safety was more important than my sitting in a chair with wheels. From the second I found out you were in my belly my whole life changed. You both took over my whole world, and everything I do is for you or with you in mind.

That first week was a blur of nursing, sleeping, burping, sleeping. Well, you guys slept. Daddy and I not so much. I think we were running on pure love back then.

I remember thinking how crazy life was, how busy it became. How much work it was to parent! And you guys hadn't even started moving yet. I had no idea what we were really in for, that's for sure.

Reese, you poor thing, you had such bad colic and you were so uncomfortable. Your daddy used to walk around the house with your belly resting on his forearm. He'd just walk in circles carrying you for hours. I swear you and I both only survived those first two months with his help. You were both such good babies, just sweet and cuddly. Good eaters, good dispositions. We were so very blessed.

That month you had your first baths in your new home. Daddy and I were so careful with your tiny little bodies. You were terrified and shivering. It was nothing like the happy, joyful, splashing bath times we have now. We felt so badly for you, but we had to clean your little parts.

Those first few weeks you both slept the same way that you were in my belly. Ryan, you laid completely splayed out. And Reese, you slept in a tiny little ball with your hands over your face and your knees pulled up to your belly.

Reese, your favorite place to sleep back then was in Daddy's armpit. I think it was just a warm and small space for you to cuddle into. Daddy and I used to laugh because your head always smelled like Old Spice as a result.

Back then you both slept together in the bassinet of your pack and play right next to our bed. You were our tiny burrito babies. Of course, most nights one or both of you made it into our bed. We'd sleep completely at the edge to give you as much room as possible. Not even two feet tall and you took up a king sized bed.

Later that month we tried tummy time for the very first time. You two weren't so steady on your bellies. And for a while it looked like maybe you had fallen asleep, except for a whimper here and there or the wiggle of a tiny finger.

You both slept a lot back then and your Daddy and I got so much joy out of watching your little lips quiver and pout and smile in your sleep. The faces you'd make. I spent so many days trying to imagine what your little faces would look like. You looked nothing like I could ever imagine; you are both so much more beautiful than anything I ever pictured.

It's almost a year later and we still find so much joy in holding you in our arms and watching your tiny faces as you sleep. There is a peace and a stillness that comes from feeling your warm breath on my neck, your tiny hands twitch on my chest, hearing the sounds of you sucking on your pacifiers slow down until there is nothing but quiet.

Each time I get to sit with you in my lap and stroke your hair and hold your tiny little hands and breathe you in, I wonder what I did to deserve such happiness.

11 Months Old

2011-12-30T23:11:00.001-05:00

Our next monthday celebration will be counted in years. ~~Twenty four~~ Thirteen days to go (I started this post a long time ago, my life is in super slow mode). I can't even believe it.

Eleven months brought about tooth numbers 6, 7 and 8 for Ryan and tooth number 7 for Reese.

{ a little risky business, baby style }

Ryan is now up to three haircuts. Little guy's hair grows like a Chia Pet - fast and straight out! Miss Reese fell victim to Mommy's scissors as well. I was attempting a bang trim to keep her wispy hairs out of her eyes. She turned at the same time as I snipped, and instead of taking off the tips, we took off a few inches. All diagonally, of course. A few deep breaths later I was able to (mostly) straighten out her horrible hair cut. Thankfully it has grown back well and either it's hardly noticeable or I've gotten used to her Dorothy Hammil look.

{ sporting her terrible bangs }

My little puffle has really come into her own. She is the giggliest, squirmiest little girl you've ever met. Junior Miss is two feet of pure trouble. If I could define 11 months for that child in one word it would be curious.

She is into everything. Opening up drawers and pulling out everything inside, examining all of the contents piece by piece. Climbing on top of toys to see what's just out of sight. Standing on the very tip of her biggest toe to reach something on top of tables (she'll be an excellent ballet dancer some day!). Stripping toilet paper off of rolls. Pulling food out of the fridge. You name it, she's in to it.

Ryan is my little engineer. He is focused on and fascinated by how things work. Much of his day is spent stacking objects, fitting toys in their rightful place or, his very favorite activity, dropping something to observe how it will react and then crawling after it in order to drop it again. He's very into noises and sounds. How something sounds when it is tapped on the floor, the wall, another toy. How something sounds when it drops. What happens when two things clank together.

While Reese tends to focus on whatever it is she's doing, Ryan is observant of the whole space that he is in, from the floor to the ceiling. He's processing what things are and how they function.

I've been very surprised to see them catch on to how objects interact, open, close, function without any prodding or teaching from us.

Reese is our little bookworm. She's constantly pulling books off the shelf and pouring through them. She'll point to things inside the books, even though I'm quite sure she doesn't know what those things are. She loves to dance and bounce. If you tell her to dance she will do a little sumo squat thing and gyrate. Where did she learn that? I have no idea. The baby einstein puppets make her laugh her pants off. When she smiles she smiles crookedly, with her lower teeth shifted to the right. It's quite funny and I'm sure we'll see that crooked smile in many school pictures to come.

Ry continues to be my cuddly snuggly baby. He'll be standing up holding onto the coffee table, when all of the sudden he'll let go and lunge at your neck, nuzzle in and just hold on so very tight. He'll hug you for twenty minutes at a time, only stopping on occasion to pull back, look at you in the face and kiss you before returning to the crook of your neck for another hug. He is goofy beyond goofy. Always laughing. Loves to be tickled and thrown about and spun in the air.

That boy is absolutely fearless and seems to catch up with Reese developmentally at times out of sheer will and lots of courage. He went from doing the worm as his primary means of transportation to crawling on all fours to standing to jumping to CLIMBING to taking assisted steps all in a matter of 3 weeks. I was sure he'd walk after Reese, and he still may, but he caught up to her so quickly that it will be an interesting race.

Reese is very trepidatious. She enters new situations cautiously and, while she could easily be running already, she's only taken a few independent steps. She is literally too afraid to stand on her own two feet.

Ryan is a weird child. He does odd things all. the. time. I tell everyone he's my little goalie (if you know a hockey or lacrosse goalie, you understand exactly what I mean by that). He'll collect all of his toys and throw them in the dinosaur ball popper and then lean over the hole to allow everything in the dinosaur's belly to hit him in the face. Who does that? The other day I was sitting in a chair and he crawled up to me and started licking my leg like a cat. Strange little bird he is.

My favorite part of the space between ten and eleven months was definitely the babies' full acknowledgement of one another. They went from playing with the same toy or toy stealing to actually playing and interacting with one another. Reese will walk around the coffee table and Ryan will crawl full speed after her and try to bite her heels. She never laughs harder than she does when they play together. The love and patience they have for one another makes my heart swell.

I can't believe we are rounding out our first year as a family.

{ last year, 35 weeks pregnant }

{ this year, two 11.5 month olds }

Cheers to eleven months and happy new year to you and yours!

72 Hours of A Christmas Story

2011-12-27T12:58:00.000-05:00

I'm convinced if Jesus had in laws to celebrate with, he would have waited another full day to magically emerge from that tomb to give his family a little more time to get everywhere.

When did Christmas get so stressful, people? NY to NJ back to NY again. The kids had a great holiday and the parents worked their asses off to make it happen. And my goodness, I was in bed by 8 p.m. last night. I would have gone to bed at 7:30, but I had to wait to put the kids down first!

We spent Friday night with my mom in New Jersey, where the kids had Christmas, Round 1 with grandma. Which was awesome, because we remembered to pack everything but toys for them. So their gifts were amazing since they were both new and the only things they had to play with for a full 24 hours. On Friday we spent the day in PJ's before heading over to my aunt's house for the Christmas Eve festivities.

{ this may be the only year that I'm cooler than Santa... }

Santa came and Reese and Ryan were really excited to see him. They greeted him warmly and sat on his lap :) Seriously though, they eventually came around. For Reese it took two gifts. For Ryan it took the realization that Santa was wearing glasses (he loves glasses. Glasses and hats.)

Reese became a gift opening expert by the time the night was through. And she was so distracted by the boxes and the wrapping paper and the noise, that several times she stood unassisted or took steps. Since then she's been standing on her own quite a bit, and looking at me proudly as she does! Ryan was content to let Reese open his gifts too. As long as he got the toys inside them when she was done.

We spent the night at my aunt's house. It was so nice to catch up with her and my cousins after the kids went to bed and everyone else left. Not that Christmas wasn't awesome too. But sometimes it's nice to just unwind and catch up. We woke up to an amazing breakfast of pancakes (the kids ate two whole pancakes each!) and hit the road.

{ my little red nosed reindeer }

We got home shortly after 1 p.m. to do Christmas, Round 3 with Joe's parents. Halfway through their gift opening, the kids had a small meltdown that was cured by bottles. And then we resumed operation open as many things as possible. Among the favorites were a tooth brush, an alligator and Chuck the truck.

After the gift opening was completed the kids took a well deserved nap and I set about unpacking from our trip and putting all of their new toys away. The kids slept for over two hours, which was almost enough time for me to get everything done. Before leaving for New Jersey, I made a pot of sauce and when the kids woke up I threw it on the stove and cooked up some ravioli. Christmas dinner was a huge hit among two tiny humans.

{ this little guy at NINE ravioli and one meatball! }

{ and junior miss consumed at least seven, by my count }

After dinner we had baths with our new bath toys and Mr. Bubble. The kids were pretty confused by the bubbles at first, but decided that they weren't so bad after a bit. Christmas Mass was at 7:30 p.m. so we put on our Sunday best and headed back out the door.

{ the only picture I got of the kids in their holiday outfits in front of the tree :( }

{ with her new lovey }

Ryan did great in church, but Puffle was not happy to be held for an hour. She did a lot of walking up and down our pew and eventually she and I both ended up walking laps in the back of the church. For 11.5 months old, I think they did phenomenal. No major meltdowns, just a whole lot of squirming. We finally got home around 9 p.m. and all went to bed shortly thereafter.

I think we're all still recovering from the weekend. What a Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T14:51:00.000-05:00

We're in New Jersey getting ready for our big Italian Christmas Eve complete with lots of family, lots of food and lots of fun. Santa comes at midnight and we're waking the kids up for their first Santa encounter. Wish us luck! Ha.

Tomorrow we head back to New York to meet Joe's parents back at our house for stockings, more presents, more food and church. The kids don't even know what's ahead of them.

Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday with your loved ones!

Reese and Ryan are Turning One

2011-12-21T07:15:00.000-05:00

The first push towards the babies' first birthday celebration has commenced. (Almost) all of the invitations went out yesterday. I have another six or so to deliver. They came out exactly like the picture I had in my head, although the picture I had in my head took two weeks less time to create and cost much, much less. Regardless, I love them and I'm happy to have this project behind me.

Reese and Ryan's birthday theme is Winter Wonderland. I had originally seen "Winter ONEderland" but I felt too silly trying to pull off the play on words. So we'll just go with "winter" as a theme. Joe picked their party colors - red and turquoise - and left me up to my own devices for their party decor and outfits.

I ordered these perfect and ridiculously adorable favor boxes from Etsy seller Simple Tastes. Angilyn was super sweet and wonderful to work with, and the boxes were more apropos than I could have imagined.

The tags were custom made by Etsy seller Pixelimpress. And the snow globes were made by yours truly after spotting this pin on Pinterest.

The blogger who originally posted the snow globe project must have a wayyyy better cheese grater than I do, because she suggested grating PVC pipe to make snow. After losing two fingernails and nearly losing an actual finger, I abandoned my PVC pipe in favor of coarse glitter.

The boxes were lined with basic crinkle cut paper that I purchased at Michael's. I used it to create a nest for the snow globes to sit in in order to keep them from rolling around. Since most of our party guests are local friends, I hand delivered the invitations. In total I think we shipped two. I was super paranoid when the post office asked me if our packages contained anything liquid, fragile, hazardous or perishable. Turns out since they're just water, I was allowed to ship them. Whew! I seriously considered lying to the post office guy, but was afraid of getting caught and arrested for some sort of postal perjury.

I really hope the invitations help set a fun tone for the party and make our guests as excited to come to our party as we are to have them here. A whole year. My goodness. It went in the blink of an eye.

I am *not* a DIY'er. I am *not* naturally crafty. And yet time and time again I take on these crazy projects and then swear under my breath while completing them. Only to finally finish and be so satisfied with the result that I forget that I've sworn never to DIY again. What is that saying again? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Yes. I'm 100% certifiable.

{ all boxed up and ready to go! }

My next big project is the party decorations and the dessert table. I'm still riding off the high from these invites, so I've clearly already forgotten how much I hate DIY'ing things. I'm sure I'll remember when I'm icing cookies and making oreo truffles at 2 a.m. the week before their party.

More 9 Month Pics

2011-12-20T11:46:00.000-05:00

During the babies' 9 month photo shoot, we also took family pictures for holiday gifts and for our holiday cards. It's funny to look at these now, just two months later, and see how different the kids look.

{ looking at this picture I can actually *hear* his baby belly laugh }

{ this little girl has really started coming into her own lately }

{ Diva pose, I can't stand it. Where do they learn this? }

{ we had some friends join us for our photo shoot }

{ they must get fed often, because they walked right up to us! }

{ these kids make me happier than I ever thought possible }

This last photo is my favorite from the day. It's one of the rare few that I have of me alone with my children. And their little faces are so perfect. Laughing and squirming and trying to get free. All while I sit there with a smile (a real, full-hearted smile) slapped on my face herding my kittens. That's what twin life is like - herding cats - and it's always better to do with a smile on your face.

I loved these so much that I think I'm going to make a fall photo shoot an annual tradition. It's nice to have us all together in pictures once in a while and they make great grandma gifts :)

Men in Red Suits

2011-12-12T13:13:00.000-05:00

Reese was thrilled to meet Santa.

Ryan spent his visit tugging on the poor guy's beard.

Hysterical.

Robbery

2011-12-09T13:07:00.000-05:00

If Reese is looking a little more petite these days, it's because her brother has learned a new trick...

9 Month Photos

2011-12-09T11:07:00.000-05:00

In October we had family pictures and the babies' 9 month pictures taken. I've taken boatloads of pictures of them this year. But I really wish I would have gotten pictures done at 3 and 6 months too. Not because I didn't record that time in their lives, but because these 9 month pictures were some of the first I've been in all year. Le sigh. I was looking a little rough anyway, maybe it's best that the focus was on the kids :)

My babies turn one in just over a month (34 days to be exact). I remember thinking, when they were around 4.5 months old, that there would never be a time that I would: a.) leave my living room again, b.) not be feeding a baby from my body again, c.) smell clean air again (so much spit up!!).

The first six months were sloooooow. Not bad, not stressful, not miserable. Just slow. You don't go anywhere and the novelty of having kids wears off for most and visitors slow down and you are just alone, in the winter, in your house, all damn day, with two creatures that rely 100% on you and oh, by the way, they can't talk. I talked to myself a lot back then.

Then one day I woke up and they were ten months old. I honestly don't know how it happened. Looking through the photos on my computer I realized how much I've lived this year. Amazing. So in honor of my little miracles, I'm going to play memory catch-up over the next month. Forgive me while I spend the next 30 days reliving the most amazing year of my life so far.

Coming Up For Air

2011-12-06T15:47:00.001-05:00

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind as I wrapped up two big projects for two separate clients, planned (and purchased everything for) the babies' birthday and purchased all of their Christmas gifts. I still have to shop for, oh, everyone else. Which is another 10 people, I think?

I have two proposals to write for new client contracts. I still haven't decorated a stitch of my house. I have half-built furniture in my garage that needs to be finished so I can park my car before it starts snowing. And I'm feuding with half of my extended family. I need a vacation. Seriously.

I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my ass most days. And just in case this time of year wasn't keeping me busy enough I have yet to stop bleeding since my FET failure on November 3rd. That's right, I got my period on November 10th and never.stopped.bleeding.

For anyone trying to do that math on that - it's 26 days and counting. I had my revisit and consult at my RE's office this morning to discuss IVF #4 and this bleeding nonsense. And just in case today had a chance of going well, I got pulled over on the way to the RE's office for speeding and was written a ticket. The cop was nice enough to write it for failing to obey a traffic sign (namely, the one that had the speed limit posted at 55). He was seriously the nicest police officer I have ever encountered.

So back to my endless bleeding. We basically established that no one knows why I am bleeding, but it's likely a result of the type of progesterone I was on and moving forward I can either switch to PIO or elect to do an unmedicated FET. The latter is what was recommended and is what we are most comfortable with. We also discussed limiting fertilization and doing an sET (and only sETs moving forward) with IVF #3.

I will not cycle again until I am back to normal - which involves getting a period, ovulating and getting a period again. So likely some time in late January. We've agreed to do some cycle monitoring to figure out if my body will reset itself on its own or if I'll need my RE to intervene and restart my cycles. My next clinic appointment is Friday and I will repeat clinic visits every 4-7 days until we establish a normal functioning pattern with my cycle. Overall it was a nice meeting and I like my RE, so I left the conversation feeling happy and ready to move forward.

Following my revisit I met with the financial coordinator to discuss the balance on my account and paying for IVF #3. Halfway through my FET I maxxed out my insurance benefits. Moving forward we are 100% OOP for monitoring, cycle costs and storage. Thankfully I still have meds coverage.

Now before I go any further let me just say, for the record, that I absolutely know how fortunate we are to have had insurance, even for a limited amount of time. While we still paid a coinsurance and lots of fees, copays, etc. over the last three years, it does not even add up to what others have paid in order to conceive.

That said, I found out today that my RE's advertised cost for an IVF cycle ($3500) is just that, the cost for a cycle. They charge an additional $2500 for monitoring, making a total fresh cycle (without meds) $6000. The other clinic in our area charges similar fees, making the cycling costs relatively equal and their cycles may have an edge over my clinic's offering because they freeze eggs and vitrify embros. And now we have some choices to make and I would love the advice of others.

Some things to keep in mind:

* Both clinics offer free FET cycles for up to 1 year if your fresh cycle fails.
* Both clinics have similar success rates for fresh cycles.
* I've done 2 fresh IVFs and 1 FET with my clinic. Both fresh cycles resulted in pregnancies.
* The other clinic has higher success rates for FETs (likely due to vitrification).

Option A:

Stick with my clinic, pay $6000 OOP for a single fresh cycle. Limit ICSI to 6 eggs, discard any eggs above and beyond those six. Push all fertilized embryos out to day 5 and transfer the single best embryo. Freeze any embryos that remain separately. If the fresh cycle fails, move onto an unmedicated FET.

Option B:

Switch clinics, pay $5762.50 for a single fresh cycle. Limit ICSI to 6 eggs, freeze any eggs above and beyond those six. Push all fertilized embryos out to day 5 and transfer the single best embryo. Freeze any embryos that remain separately. If the fresh cycle fails, move onto an unmedicated FET. If/when I run out of embryos, cycle with my remaining eggs.

Option C:

Switch clinics, pay $6950 for two fresh cycles. Limit ICSI to 6 eggs, freeze any eggs above and beyond those six. Push all fertilized embryos out to day 5 and transfer the single best embryo. Freeze any embryos that remain separately. If the fresh cycle fails, move onto an unmedicated FET. If/when I run out of embryos, do another fresh cycle before attempting to cycle with my remaining eggs. At this point we would pay an additional $750 for another cycle of monitoring.

If I get pregnant with the first IVF, we eat the cost of the multiple cycle. So essentially I pay an additional +/- $1200 for the insurance that if we have to do another fresh it is only $1950 (versus $5762.50) for a subsequent fresh cycle.

---

Right now I'm leaning toward Option B, as it gives me the most opportunities for conceiving with one single fresh IVF cycle and at the lowest cost. However, Option B requires me to start all over again at a new clinic, with new doctors and I'm afraid of change. (My Achilles heel.)

Option A, leaves me very little room for error, but allows me to cycle at my current clinic where I've been successful before and I am comfortable.

Option C, gives me the most options overall. But I wonder if I go through another year (or more) of IVFs if I'll want to do another fresh cycle after who knows how many FETs and BFNs. And the cost is a big gamble, all things considered.

So ladies, what would you do if this were you?

Limited Fert and sET Consult

2011-11-22T08:55:00.000-05:00

I had a consult with the another clinic in our area that does frozen oocyte (egg) cycles last Friday. The point of the consult was to find out what a frozen egg cycle would look like and what it would mean in terms of a limited fert and sET cycles. The RE there was great and informative and (surprisingly) all but convinced me to stay at my current clinic.

Basically he said that frozen eggs are are relatively new procedure and he had no statistics and data to back up their success. He explained that eggs don't freeze as well as embryos (due to their higher water content) and that they don't provide as big of a "confidence level" for cycles as they are an unknown.

If we went with that clinic, we would ICSI three eggs for a frozen egg cycle with an sET. The remaining eggs would be frozen for later use. They'd watch my ICSI'd eggs for fertilization and then push the embryos out to day 5 to let nature pick the strongest one and that would be what we'd transfer. Obviously, with three eggs, we risk having nothing to transfer at day 5.

The RE explained that frozen egg FETs could be a lengthy process should that become our next steps (i.e. if we don't make it to transfer with our fresh embryos or the sET doesn't implant) and here's why. When they thaw eggs, their goal is to get one that survives the thaw. The clinic then ICSI's that egg, watches it in the fertilized drop and checks on it 24 hours later to see if it continued to develop. If that one egg doesn't fertilize they can try to thaw and ICSI more eggs the next day, watch the second round of ICSI'd eggs for 24 hours and see if they develop. If after two days of thaw and ICSI nothing fertilizes the cycle is over and you have to wait another month and start all over again. After sticking e2v needles in my arse intramuscularly for 4 weeks, I can say without hesitation that I would lose my mind if I prepped for a month to not even make it to transfer (and I would lose it even further if that happened multiple times).

This RE seemed to indicate that frozen egg cycles are much more volatile and they may mean a lot of cancelled cycles because you are playing with an unknown. Will the egg(s) survive the thaw, will they fertilize, will they continue to thrive beyond the first 24-48 hours? The timeline with a frozen egg cycle is also very sensitive since the eggs start on day 0 on a medicated FET cycle (essentially the day you would have an ER for a fresh cycle) and then you only have so many days to create a successful embryo and transfer it before it's game over.

The conversation kept coming back to the fact that with embryos you have a known entity, that is graded, it has statistics to back up the success and that the only what if (once an embryo is frozen) is whether that embryo will survive the thaw.

The RE gave me a test case scenario taking frozen eggs out of the equation and focusing instead on limited fertilization. He suggested fertilizing six eggs and discarding the rest of my eggs from the next fresh cycle. Explaining that, statistically speaking, someone my age with our Dx (Unexplained IF) should have 2-3 embryos strong embryos from 6 ICSI'd eggs. With an sET we'd transfer one (obviously) and freeze all that remain on day 5 in separate straws.

He said we should focus on how many embryos we can live with having and what we'd do with them if we were done making a family and we had snowbabies left. It seems as though a limited fertilization with more embryos created would up our chance of success and lower the number of cycles we'd have to do/length of time we'd be TTC for.

In the end he said if we're comfortable with our current clinic and they are willing to do a limited fert, sET and separately freeze of all our remaining embryos on day 5, then there's really no reason we should leave them given the success we've had there. Our current clinic is $2000 cheaper for a fresh cycle, so if we take out the notion of frozen eggs, then he's right, we probably are better off sitting tight.

My consult with my clinic for our next cycle is the first week in December. If all goes well, I'll start BCP mid-December and start stims on January 8 with a retrieval around Jan. 18.

Depending on what my RE says at my consult and consent review, we'll move forward with fertilizing 6. It's a number we're comfortable with, and given my clinic's success rates with FETs (13%) and the fact that they don't vitrify, 6 probably gives us the best chance of conceiving #3 without doing a fourth fresh cycle again in the future.

Now that I'm armed with a little more knowledge and a plan, I'm actually excited to cycle again. I have a lot of hope for our next IVF. January has always been a good month for us (I cycled for my first IVF and got KU in January 2009 and I gave birth to our amazing twins in January 2010) so hopefully we can continue the January streak.

Santa Spoiler

2011-11-21T07:56:00.003-05:00

I guess it's a good thing that Santa is bringing someone a baby stroller and a Stella doll for Christmas this year...

10 Months Old

2011-11-18T00:14:00.000-05:00

We're on the countdown to one. I can hardly believe it.

{ 10 months old! }

Ten months has brought about tooth number 5 for Ryan and tooth number 3, 4, 5 AND 6 (all at the same time, lord have mercy!) for Reese.

{ Oh, hello Sophie! Who designed a teething ring to look like a gag ball? WTF? }

Ryan got his first hair cut. It broke my heart to do it, but he was starting to look like a chia pet. Now he looks like a little boy (who is this little boy that ate my baby?).

{ I think he knows he's cute... }

Miss Reese is full of personality. When she eats she sits with her legs crossed. She's also learned how to fake eat. She takes food to her mouth, puts it in, gives it a small chew (a taste test if you will) and then slyly spits the food she doesn't want into her hand, holds her hand out over the edge of her tray, waits for Gracie to move closer and then drops the food to the dog. Little shit. I got an email from baby center that says they don't know what they're doing with food throwing, it's all about cause and effect, yadda yadda. I guess my kid is smarter than the kids that baby center tested, because she knows.

She dances to music, says "mama", "mommy" and "hi daddy" which cracks me up. We call our daddy a few times a day and I'm always telling the babies to say "hi daddy" and one day Joe came home from work and she looked at him and said "hi daddy". We both almost died.

She can give hi-fives and thinks it's the funniest thing ever when you hold up your hand and say "hi-five". She plays with Gracie nonstop, and follows that poor dog wherever she goes. Just last week Gracie was eating and Reese crawled up to her bowls, stood up, reached in the bowl and grabbed some kibble for herself. I grabbed it just as she was giving it a taste test. Lordy, lord.

Reese loves to read. The book nook I made for them in the basement has been a huge hit. She crawls over to her book racks, pulls down a book and sits down with it. She'll whimper until you read to her. And I am more than happy to oblige. Our favorite right now are the Karen Katz lift the flap books. We're learning about body parts and where they are. Her favorite part of "ears, nose and toes" is the tongue. She thinks it's a riot when I stick my tongue out at her and when I reach in and touch her tongue. Giggle fits.

She giggles when you kiss her. But she doesn't like to be held for long. This girl is on. the. move. She can walk behind toys, cruise the furniture and even walk while only holding onto one of your hands. But she hasn't taken a solo step yet. Peanut is a fraidy cat.

Both babies are mobile now, which necessitated a few well-placed baby gates. Baby jail is kind of funny. Reese has figured out that the bunched fabric is flexible and she will press her face into the fabric as far as she can so she can look down the hall and see what's going on. Ryan recently figured out how to pull up to his knees and (sometimes) pull up to standing. The problem is he doesn't know how to fall. So he just hangs there and when he gets tired, he cries. Baby Huey.

Ryan still moves around utilizing the worm. Although lately he's been getting on all fours and rocking. His daddy is holding out hope that he'll "really crawl" someday. I can tell he's already more focused on standing and walking. I think he's tired of being outrun by his sister.

This sweet face is the face of a biter :( Stupid mommy nibbled on this munchkin every day of his cute little life. It makes him squeal with delight. And then one day he crawled up to me, pulled up to his knees, leaned in and gave me a hug and just like I have for all these months he "nibbled" on my shoulder. Except his puppy teeth and baby brain don't know how to not hurt you. And he bit me HARD. He has since bitten his sister on the shoulder too (breaking skin). I taught my kid to be a biter. Oy. That's not been fun. The worst part is he thinks he's being affectionate.

And affectionate he is. My boy loves to hug and kiss. When his nanny comes he leans in for the kill 263 times. Love him. He'll kiss you all day long. That's fine by me. He hugs with his whole body and rubs your back when he hugs you. I can't stand him. The cuteness is too much. Lately, he's been grabbing his sister and pulling her in and giving her a big open mouthed kiss. It looks like he's trying to eat her face. This makes her laugh hysterically. In my lifetime, I've never witnessed something as sweet as this.

Ryan is a wonderful sharer and loves playing with other people and his sister. He'll offer you his food while he eats. The only thing he doesn't like to share is his milk sippy. That kid thinks drinking from a straw is the coolest thing to ever happen to him. He gets giddy and waves his hands in the air and starts to shake. When he sips his eyes get wide and he gulps frantically like he may drown. He's a character. If I offer his sister the cup, cue. the. tears.

Ryan is proving to be a boy's boy. He loves roughhousing, rolling around, being tickled till he can't breathe, bouncing, jumping, being scared (Joe will jump out from behind things and shout "boo" and he laughs hysterically). He loves trucks and banging on things and bouncing a ball. He's a hearty laugher and there is nothing better than making him lose it.

I think the last half of nine months and the beginning of ten months has been my all time favorite age. They are affectionate, interactive and they laugh all the time. I love it.

{ ten months }

They play together (a lot). Joe and I often wonder how hard singleton parents have to work to entertain their kids. Ours have a built-in playmate. Sometimes they don't even want to play with us, they're so busy with each other. Life is amazing. I'm so thankful for these little mushies. They take up every second of my day and every space in my heart.

Nanny 911

2011-11-13T09:17:00.000-05:00

I'm firing our second nanny today. I cannot believe I'm here dealing with nanny bullshit again. My husband calls this whole time period Nannygate. I don't find him amusing.

Our nanny Laurie has been with our family since the babies were three weeks old. She is amazing. She goes above and beyond every time she is here. The kids love her. She's honest, hardworking and genuine. She's become as much of a friend as she's been an employee.

When Laurie first started working with our kids she was a nursing student who had a practicum at one of the local hospitals in the PACU. Her schedule was still pretty flexible. After she graduated in May she got a full time job working in a different hospital's NICU and she's on the night shift (7 p.m. to 7 a.m.) which means that she's not as available as she used to be. On a good week I can get her here three days, and on a not so good week I can only have her one day.

If I could only have Laurie, I would be a very happy girl.

Earlier this year I started freelancing out of my home. I picked up two clients between June and September and they gave me about 5-10 hours worth of work per week. But the work wasn't always consistent. In September I reached out to a friend of mine who owns a PR company and asked her if she new anyone that was looking for freelancers. About a week later I was brought on board with her company and it's been a great experience so far.

I'm working 15 hours per week, from home. It's given me a break from the babies and has really helped me feel like a person again. The work is right up my alley and I love the freedom of managing my schedule. What I have not loved is finding childcare for my kids. I cannot believe how untrustworthy and unreliable some people can be. I have a ton of guilt over this. Why am I choosing to work instead of staying at home?

If I'm being honest, working has made me a better mother. I'm more patient. I value my time with the babies more. And my time with them is focused just on them, whereas before I was on my phone or on the internet a lot more.

Staying at home is hard, you kind of start to loose your mind a little. Or at least I did. But I never wanted to be dealing with so much childcare craziness and frankly I'm overwhelmed.

I have a meeting tomorrow with one of my clients and part of that meeting will be a discussion of the workflow and assignments over the coming months. My hope is that I can fall a little more behind the scenes with writing and research. If that is a possibility, I can wake up at 5 a.m. and I'll have two hours to work each morning before the babies get up. Then I can just have Laurie come when she can so I can make calls and pitch during business hours.

It would be great to find another nanny who could come 1-2 days per week so I can get more done during the day, but I don't know if I have it in me to look again. Interviewing these people is a second full-time job. And honestly, I'm starting to question my own judgement right now.

If you have in-home care, any advice is welcome - be it advice on how you manage your manage your nanny, your work set up or how you found her. I'm drowning in mom guilt and frustration.

Damn The Woods

2011-11-07T11:42:00.000-05:00

We took the kids and the dog for a hike yesterday. What is it about being outside that makes you reflect on and evaluate your life? I walked for more than an hour with Reese giggling on my back and wondered, what am I doing? What comes next? Is this enough?

The scenery, when it is truly seen, reacts on the life of the seer. How to live.

How to get the most of life.... How to extract its honey from the flower of the world.

(Thoreau)

The failure of my last cycle is weighing on me. Not the cycle itself, but how finite the result was. Maybe this is our destiny. Maybe we were meant to be a family of four. Maybe I need to stop pushing toward bigger things, sit back and enjoy the life I've been given. I feel selfish for wanting more, not feeling like this is enough. And I'm tired. Fraught with worry. Emotionally drained. Why do I keep moving forward with ART when this process kills me like this every time?

I have a consult next week with another clinic who freezes eggs. Their frozen success rates are slightly higher (22% instead of 13%) and their fresh rates are lower. My clinic has a 42% success rate with 33% resulting in live births. The other clinic has a 36% success rate with 31% resulting in live births.

The stakes feel much higher this time since we are gambling with limited fertilization and sET. If I limit fertilization at my current clinic and do an sET, my chance of any future FET cycle resulting in a pregnancy is extremely low. But they know how to get me pregnant. They've done it twice.

If I limit fertilization at the other clinic, I can freeze my remaining eggs. But they don't know me there at all.

Walking with the kids yesterday made me realize how much harder life with three will be. Right now our babies fit perfectly. Two parents, two sets of arms. Everyone has a someone. Our house is big enough, our cars are big enough. Life is getting easy (or at least easier).

But I can't help but feel like something is still missing. Our family is not yet complete. I hate being IF. I hate that this is out of my control. I'm afraid to change, and afraid to stand still. I don't want to cycle for another six months or a year. I don't want to fall back down this infertility rabbit hole. I have so much to be thankful for, I am ready to live my life. But I want one more baby.

Like Mother Like Daughter

2011-11-03T23:34:00.000-04:00

I took this picture the other day and realized that my kid, who I was convinced looked just like my husband, is a dead ringer for me.

Puff the Magic Baby looks just like her momma. Poor thing.

FET #1

2011-11-03T14:46:00.001-04:00

is a big fat f*cking negative.

We have decided to cycle again. I start IVF #4 with my December period. We have to redo our consent forms and have a meeting with our RE about the upcoming cycle. Joe also has to redo his SA and bloodwork since its been more than a year since our last fresh cycle.

I asked to cycle around the holidays and the babies' first birthday. I don't want their first Christmas or their birthday to be affected by our desire to have another baby. They were able to shift my calendar so that I will not start stims until January 8, which means my ER, ET and beta will fall after the babies' birthday in January.

We are toying with the idea of doing a limited fertilization cycle. We agree that we both want 1 more child. I would like 2 more children, Joe is open to having a fourth but would not intentionally pursue having four children if there was a choice. I don't want to do another fresh cycle again after this, and limiting our fertilization may leave us with no other option.

In addition to limited fertilization, I'm also considering an sET with the next cycle. Even though it means I may have to cycle to conceive again.

So that is that. Lots to think about and another month to decide.

If anyone has done limited fertilization or sETs and can lend some advice or insight, I'd greatly appreciate it. Cheers, my friends.

My Kids are Geniuses

2011-11-01T08:42:00.001-04:00

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T09:25:00.000-04:00

End of October Picture Dump

2011-10-30T11:49:00.001-04:00

Since I've been a neglectful blogger, this is going to just be a picture dump of moments I want to keep. I need to transfer my pictures over to CD's and remove them from my hard drive. I have over 7000 (yes SEVEN THOUSAND) pictures of the kids on my computer. You can imagine how slow everything is these days. I'm just terrified of moving things and deleting them. Ahhhh.

An outtake from our 41 week photoshoot. Reese kept crying and she was all red in the pictures and it was too dark. But this picture is classic Reese and Ryan faces, so I had to keep it.

41 week photoshoot do-over. Sporting bibs from our Nana Jayne. These kids crack me up.

Reese has a flair for the dramatic lately. She's learned that some things are off limits. We've started using the word "no" around here and redirecting her to something else. This is the face I get when I say no. Heaven help me.

The cute thing about the crying these days though is that the babies will either cry with one another (completely fake for one, and a dramatic tantrum for the other) or they will try to comfort each other. The comforting is a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e.

Now that Reese can reach the windowsills she spends a lot of time looking out the window. This is also a favorite past time for Gracie <3

I was actually trying to take a picture of Reese from much farther away, but she decided to try to grab the camera and this was the shot I got. And I must say, I LOVE IT. I cannot believe I have a daughter with light eyes. Never in all my days would I have believed that was possible. I think her eyes are gorgeous. They just melt me. Ugh!

Just a tiny baby bottom in baby blue jeans. I die.

The kids are afraid of the vacuum, so when I do their room I put them in a crib together. As I was vacuuming today I looked up and saw this. They are ridiculous. Love them so much.

Baby bed head. It's almost time for Ry to get a hairs cut. OMGoodness though, it's hard to part with his crazy locks. But they're crossing the line from cute to out of control these days...

Notice the fold in the bumpers? My kids like to use them as pillows when they sleep. Crazy critters.

Seeing White

2011-10-29T16:59:00.000-04:00

Today is a big day for my little embryos. According to this table from NYU Fertility, if my embryos were going to implant they will have done so by now.

So I guess it makes sense that my pee sticks still look like this

But the negatives are starting to mess with my overly hormonal body. Of course I'll still test again tomorrow (probably twice, but who's counting?) and the next day and the next. All the way up until beta.

Dear Lord, please just one more baby.

A Tribute to Meghan's Triplets

2011-10-27T16:16:00.000-04:00

Those of you that belong to the bump may remember Meghan - mbjmaybebaby. Meghan has fought cancer for the last five years. Sadly, yesterday she lost her battle. She leaves behind a loving husband and three miracle babies, triplets, conceived via IVF.

I am leading a collection for Meghan's family. The money will be placed in an education fund for the triplets.

If you would like to donate, you may do so by sending a paypal donation to nicolezwerin at yahoo dot com. I'm taking collections until November 11.

Meghan's blog

Meghan's Caring Bridge blog

My Other Labor of Love

2011-10-26T16:10:00.000-04:00

This month when I wasn't sticking needles in my ass, I was sticking needles in my finger instead (only those ones were the sewing kind and were quite by accident). I was very, very excited when I sewed the zipper into Reese's dress this morning.

And after her second nap I tried the whole thing on her, only to find that the cape is about three sizes too big. Darn that teddy bear. What a terrible model.

I'm going to remake her cape tonight and then Halloween 2011 (a.k.a. is your mommy crazy?) is over. I'm still trying to figure out where to take the kids for the holiday, which is our favorite one of the year. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of events in our community for kids under the age of 2.

Oh, and did I mention it's supposed to snow this weekend?

Meet Baby C and Baby D

2011-10-26T10:52:00.000-04:00

I wasn't sure I wanted to blog about this cycle. In fact, I've avoided writing here since I started meds back in September. I'm afraid of this not working and then having to put those words in writing. I wasn't sure what our next steps would be if this cycle failed. But we made it to transfer and we have a plan, and I'm feeling at peace. Even a little hopeful.

I've named these embryos Baby C and Baby D, since Ryan is already Baby A and Reese is already Baby B. Baby C (the guy on the left) had a 10% degradation which caused some fragmentation with the thaw. Baby D (the guy on the right) thawed perfectly without any issues. I'll have to get more creative if one of these stick, since I'll have no way of knowing which it was.

My beta is next Thursday. I thought about testing this morning. I managed to refrain. With Reese and Ryan's cycle I got my BFP 3dp5dt. Tomorrow I will be 2dp6dt, so essentially in the same state. I don't think I'll be able to refrain from testing with that knowledge :)

Knock Your Socks Off

2011-10-19T18:46:00.001-04:00

I live in Upstate NY, where it's not out of the realm of possibility to see snow in October. Reese and Ryan have figured out how to take off their shoes and socks. I usually find an errant sock hanging out of their mouths while they crawl around the living room. I was talking to my friend Jess and she suggested I try out these fleece booties from a company called Zutano.

I ordered a pair for each kid and they arrived yesterday and I LOVE THEM. I wish I had these last winter too. They stay on better than socks and are fully adjustable. And they're gosh darn cuuuuuute. The babies look like they have Grinch feet. I was worried about them slip-sliding from the fleece on wood floors, but they haven't had any issues at all.

Both babies slept with them on last night (they wear two piece, footless PJ's) and when I got them this morning their booties were still on! I love these little booties so much I had to share.

Rise and Shine

2011-10-18T07:45:00.001-04:00

Our mornings start around 7 a.m. which is a blessing, because it wasn't all that long ago when Ryan was fond of crowing from his crib at 5:30 and I thought we'd never sleep past sunrise again. The kids normally drink bottles and then play with one another in the living room. Playtime is a lot more interesting now that they can get to things that they want (generally they want whatever the other has).

{ this is what a 3 pound weight advantage looks like }

{ what Mom? see, we're sharing... }

{ the roll around for about an hour and then they eat again, this is the life }

{ what I find on my way back from refilling my coffee cup }

{ the spider monkey is useful, but not efficient enough to keep up with Reese }

The babies are a riot to watch now. They are both rough and tumble. Reese is definitely not a girly girl (at least not so far). After they get done rolling around and playing they eat breakfast. I do the prepping, they do the eating. Aside from things like yogurt, we are fully on finger foods (a month ahead of my goal!) and eating is so much more relaxing and fun for everyone. We can eat in restaurants and on the go and there is nothing I can't / won't / don't give them. Fun times.

Then we play some more and wait for our nap "sweet spot" a.k.a. the time that they go down and stay down for a full two hour nap. Right now our sweet spot is 10:15 a.m. and not a moment sooner.

These kids are getting so big. We're down to two naps, three bottles and three meals. I get so excited about everything with them now, but it's crazy to think that my tiny babies are slipping away from me with each day.

Tag You're It

2011-10-17T21:40:00.001-04:00

Well, it's official. As of this week I have two mobile babies. One (almost) walker and one spider monkey.

The kids are putting their mobility to good use. Namely, beating the snot out of one another, stealing each others' toys and pacifiers, pulling things down off of tables and counters and tackling mommy with hugs and kisses (which makes up for the rest of that crap).

I love nine months.

Monkey Kisses

2011-10-13T10:18:00.002-04:00

Nine Month Well Baby

2011-10-12T19:03:00.000-04:00

Reese
Birth: 6 lbs 1 oz (10%) | 19" (34%)

Hospital Release: 5 lbs 11 oz (5%) | 19" (30%)

Birth: 6 lbs 8 oz (16%) | 19.5" (43%)

Hospital Release: 5 lbs 15 oz (7%) | 19.5" (39%)

1 week: 5 lbs 13 oz (5%) | 19.5" (32%)

48 Hour Repeat Weight Check: 5 lbs 14 oz (4%) | 19.5" (28%)

1 month: 7 lbs 5 oz (13%) | 21.25" long (69%) | 14" head (19%)

9 months: 19 lbs 13 oz (39%) | 30" long (93%) | 17.5" head (26%)

Milestones

Ryan is officially rocking on all fours. He has been for about a week now and, if his sister's progress is any indication, we have about two more weeks before he's full on crawling. He's much more aggressive with his attempts, throwing his arms out trying to move forward even though he falls each and every time. He's also much more frustrated by his inability to get up and go, which is evidenced by the amount SCREAMING happening in our house.

Reese is cruising the furniture, standing while only holding on (to us and other objects) with one hand and walking behind her dinosaur with ease. I think she'll be walking unassisted by ten months. Which blows my mind.

Ryan is up to four teeth and is working on number five. Reese is still stuck at two teeth, but her top two are close to the surface.

Both babies have mastered the pincer grasp and are skilled in the art of single blueberry pick up and eating :) They are able to put their toys away in boxes and buckets, but much prefer to take them out and shake them all over the place.

Both babies are learning to wave, although Ryan uses both hands. Which is kind of funny. It looks less "hello" and more "jazz hands". I'll take it.

Reese is trouble on two legs, pulling, standing, climbing and exploring the world around her. She is more focused and has recently become quite shy. If I want her to clam up, the easiest way to do so is to put a camera or a stranger in front of her. Whereas Ryan, who used to be my bashful baby, has become extremely social. His personality really emerges when he's around new people and in new settings.

My goal was to do away with purees by ten months, and as of this month we are officially on table foods. The kids don't want anyone else feeding them. They still let me give them cereal and yogurt in the morning. But only after they've had ten minutes to feed themselves berries and fruit. Ryan is a picky eater and will reject a food based on color or texture alone. We call Reese "Mikey" because she'll pretty much eat anything you give her.

We missed the arbitrary milestone of waving and playing patty cake, but both babies can give you a kiss on the lips if you ask for one and both can hug you if you say "give me a huggie". I guess in our house kisses and hugs are more important than hello and goodbye. (Or maybe I just never leave my kids, ever, so I never thought to teach them such things as I'm leaving and I'm back, ha!)

Reese said her first word a few weeks ago (it was mama, love her) and continues to babble regularly. Ryan mostly grunts and squeals. I'm thinking he may go to high school sounding like Forrest Gump. They love to get millimeters away from one another and scream as loud as possible and then break out into laughter. Our house is loud beyond loud.

I thought eight months was really hard, there was a lack of mobility mixed with a lot of frustration and a dash of inability to communicate. Now that the babies can point, move toward an object they want/need and are generally a lot less frustrated life has gotten easier on the ears (and patience). I'm really looking forward to these last few months before they turn one. Their development is crazy right now and I'm amazed that my babies are becoming little people.

People say you can see a baby's personality emerge in this first year, but I'm not sure I agree. I think I'm just getting glimpses of what they'll be like as people. But I'm on the cusp of really seeing them and knowing them. And that's so exciting.

38 Weeks Old

2011-10-06T09:22:00.000-04:00

Another photo shoot, and another week gone by. On Saturday my babies will have been outside of my belly as long as they were inside of my belly. That's unbelievable to me.

{ why do they look so big? }

This week Ryan got on all fours and started rocking, doing the little hop hop thing and reaching out an arm (only to fall flat on his face, rather than move forward). He's not trying to crawl as hard as his sister did, but he's trying. Which means that life is going to get a lot more interesting here soon.

{ shaking her head no, no, no when say sit next to your brother and behave, ha! }

{ he's laughing at her shaking her head no at me,

I'm quite outnumbered these days }

He's still the happiest boy I've ever met. Snuggly and sensitive. Plays with a box of blocks for hours, has funny little toes that are always curled and hides his face when he's excited about something. Ryan is my best cuddle buddy.

{ "Oh hi, Mom! Whatcha doin?" }

This week Reese has gotten brave. She will hold onto furniture with just one hand. She's taught herself how to fall from standing (by flopping on her butt) and she will walk while holding on to the furniture. She's getting into lots of trouble these days, hands in everything. Yanking on tables, curtains, climbing into the dog's water bowl. We've put up more fences and gates in one week than I care to recount.

{ seriously with these kids, I just love them to pieces }

The whole photo shoot was her crawling to grab my camera and me moving her back to sit next to Ryan. What will I do when they can both crawl?? Probably have a lot less time to take pictures, that's for sure.

And tonight, on her 38th week of life, she learned how to do this.

Which means all of the childproofing we managed to do in the last 72 hours still isn't enough.

Four Paws and Two Ears

2011-10-04T16:42:00.000-04:00

Each night at 11:30 p.m. I vow to buy their costumes next year. And the next morning I try the costume on the babies to make sure the fit is good and I swear I'll never stop doing this for them.

{ Ryan modeling his wolf hat }

I finished his costume last night. It's cute beyond cute.