Wednesday, September 26, 2012

18 Days!

Where is Friday? Ever have one of those weeks? Both kids are sicky sick again. Husband is sick. I'm getting sick. Our builder didn't order our kitchen sink (what the what?!) and I ended up calling thirteen stores in a 150 mile radius to find one in stock and then driving to Massachusetts to purchase it so we wouldn't be delayed in closing. Did I mention that the sink weighs like 300 pounds? Then I got stuck at the house at a vendor meeting, making me cut picking up the kids from preschool very close. And I got into my car and my KEYS WERE NOT THERE. So I ran back into the house, except that I can't see my feet and I tripped over the stairs in our garage and landed hands first, belly second on our stone mudroom floor. So...I picked up the kids, got them home, fed them lunch, put them down for naps and then called my OB in hysterics. One NST and three hours later, Miss Lola is fine.


And then there was today. Which was calm in comparison to Monday and Tuesday. I had my weight and fluid scan for LB and she is measuring right on track. My not-so-little peanut weighed in at about 7 pounds. I am a little intimidated by that number since she's clearly not done growing. But since they were pretty off with the twins' final scan (helloooo, induction for no reason) I'm holding onto hope that she is smaller than predicted. The thought of delivering a very large infant without meds scares the bejeezus out of me. The one upside is that I've gained 28 pounds so far, so delivering a 7+ pound baby will guarantee I walk out of the hospital at least 10 pounds lighter. This is the best optimism I can procure to keep myself from rocking in a closet in fear of the ring of fire.

{ those cheeks look an awful lot like Reese's at 33 weeks }

My darling husband joined me for my appointment since we were going to get to see the bean and he stuck around for the OB portion as well. He got one laugh out of my doctor and my appointment turned into the Joe show, wherein he and my OB discussed birthday beers and pub crawls. To say I have several unanswered questions would be an understatement. I warned him that he is not allowed to be charming or story-telling on the day that I deliver or he will be exiled to the waiting room. The focus will be on my uterus and my uterus alone. Ha!

{ I think she kind of looks like Biggie Smalls here }

Just for fun I had Joe help me take some belly comparison pics. When I was 37 weeks pregnant with the twins we made a cast of my belly, it was fun to fit myself back inside the cast at the same stage of pregnancy and see the difference. No wonder I still feel great. I'm half the size I was with the kiddos.

{ twin belly in the back, singleton in the front }

{ The space between my current belly and my twin belly at 37 weeks. Amazing. }

So here we are at 37 +3 weeks. And now we wait. Approximately 18 days, to be exact. Perhaps longer, since my cervix seems to be a steel trap. Joe and I discussed membrane sweeps and other such natural labor progressors, and he thinks I should just let Lola decide when she's ready to come out. I'm starting to agree with him.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sunday Funday

Fall is my favorite thing about living in Upstate NY. Hay rides, hot apple cider (spiked with Jack Daniels when I'm not pregnant), pumpkin patches and apple picking. We took the kids apple picking today for Sunday Funday (our family day together) and had a blast. This will probably be our only apple adventure this season because the orchards were hit hard by the spring and summer weather and, well, we may be a little busy this fall.



The kids are a riot these days. They have a big obsession right now with Old MacDonald, farms, farm animals, the noises that animals on the farms make, things that grow on farms (karn/corn, ah-pulls/apples, HAY!/hay...), tractors and the like. We watch a lot of Baby Doolittle and they hand me my cell phone and sing "e-i! e-i!" so that I'll play this clip on YouTube. Last week was Farm Theme Week at preschool and they lost their minds.




As soon as we pulled up to the farm that has the orchard they started singing "E-I-E-I-O". They waved to every car that drove off the farm "Bye! See you!" like they were the farm's greeting committee. The pointed out all of the fruits and veggies at the farm -- all were clearly 'corn' and 'apples'. Even though most of it was actually squash and pumpkin. And at one point we thought Reese was sniffing the mums, only to find that she was actually licking them. I have no words for that.


{ riding the track-ka back to the car }

This was their third time picking apples, as we took them twice last year, and I think they were somehow less interested in picking this time around even though they are clearly more capable. Their focus was 100% on eating. I swear that the farm stands should weigh my kids before and after they "pick" fruit instead of weighing our bags. I'm pretty sure they each ate a bushel. I tried to encourage collection and not consumption, but once they realized they could throw their half-eaten apple on the floor and pick a new, fresh one, the battle was lost for good.


Reese soon figured out that daddy was carrying a fresh stash of uneaten apples and began trading hers in while Joe and I were picking. We kept coming back to the bag to find half eaten apples piled on top.

{ the apple exchange program }

The best part of the apple season being a bit diminished this year is that there were a lot of very small apples left on the trees, which are perfect for finicky toddler lunches wherein they request foods based on the sole fact that they can actually say the word that the food is called. I was thrilled by our haul and am so thankful we were able to make time to do this together before we welcome the new sprout.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Birth Plan, Hospital Bag and a 20/20 Registry

Little Lola is 23 days from her scheduled arrival. I am not at all ready. By this time last pregnancy my bags had been packed for weeks, lists were everywhere and I was "completely in control" (ha!). Tuesday night I lost part of my mucous plug (you're welcome for that visual), my contractions got as close as 12 minutes apart and I thought, "holy shit, I'm going to have a kid today". And then the little bugger went to sleep and that was that.

At my 36 +4 week appointment yesterday I found out I am 100% effaced and 2 cm dilated. And Lola is very, very low (uh, I didn't need an internal to tell me that...). Hopefully this all means this little peanut is working on her exit strategy. They think I won't make it to October 14th and frankly I hope they are right. I am exhausted and ready to bring her home...so I can be even more exhausted.

We have a wedding that is encompassing our whole universe this weekend and then the focus is on packing for the hospital and tying up as many loose ends at both houses as possible. I looked back on my previous birth plan and hospital bag pack list and the hospital bag list is spot on for this trip to L&D also. Now I just need to actually use it to pack. I'm not sure if I'll waste time rewriting another birth plan since I am 99.4% sure that no one actually read it last time. Or if they did it was over donuts and coffee at the nurses station whilst making fun of me...

As for my registry, obviously I didn't have/need one this time around. But my sister asked me for my registry list and I went back through and edited my original for her with my now 20/20 parenting genius (also known as hindsight). Here it is for anyone that is a soon-to-be first time mom. Take it with a grain of salt as different things work for different people.

Updated Registry

In other pregnancy land updates, the proofs from my maternity pictures came in this week. Our photographer did an amazing job capturing our lives -- the real moments, not just the pretty posed pictures (again). I am so thankful to have her as a photographer and friend. I should have the DVD of the images in hand soon. This one in particular killed me, as it is my daily life in a nutshell. Kisses from one kid; death grip on another. Life is beautiful.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

That's What She Said


Earlier this week, this sweet little angel walked up to her brother and ripped the pacifier out of his mouth. When he started to cry she took the paci out of her mouth, wagged her finger in his face and said "share".

See? They can be taught.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Diastasis Physical Therapy

Note: I wrote this post on May 20, 2011. For some reason I never got around to publishing it, even though it was complete. Google searches on diastasis are one of the main things that bring people into my blog, so I wanted to push this post live. I did physical therapy for around 4 months after my twins were born. As soon as I stopped wearing my abdominal brace, my abdomen relaxed and went back to sticking out. The exercises did little to improve a tear as severe as mine. At some point in the future I will have corrective surgery. I have started a post discussing how diastasis has affected my current pregnancy which should be live soon. I hope that by documenting my journey others with similar issues are able to find some answers to their questions or insights about this issue, as there is not a lot online that isn't a sales pitch or marketing gimmick for an abdominal binder or surgical practice. I am blessed to have these issues, since they are a result of my beautiful children, but I still struggle with the changes I have undergone and how they make me feel about myself as a woman. I think this is only natural and I am not apologetic for my insecurities. 
__________________

Last Friday marked my first day of physical therapy for my stomach. I have two follow-up appointments scheduled, so I'm seeing the therapist every two weeks. She's given me exercises to do on my own daily, which I'll detail below, and I've been instructed to wear an abdominal splint 24/7.

In the 7 days since my first therapy session, I've managed to fit in the exercises five times. They aren't time consuming, or even what I'd call hard. But they do require that Joe is home to help mitigate fussy babies, and since he's had a couple of long work weeks and his MBA classes have started back up, well there hasn't been a lot of time for me to be alone. And at the end of the day I'm exhausted. But 5 out of 7 ain't bad. Right?

I definitely see an improvement in how much my stomach sticks out, but I can't tell if that's because I've been splinted for a week or if the exercises are helping. Or maybe both. I have a terrible fear that once I stop wearing the splints everything will fall forward again and I'll go back to looking 17 weeks pregnant again.

At 18 weeks postpartum, I have lost all of the weight I gained while pregnant. So that is not one of my issues. When I got to the therapist's office she looked over my stomach and had me do some moves which allowed her to check the severity of my diastasis. She told me that my abdominal separation is so severe that, while the exercises and splinting will help, the only fix for me is surgery.

I have two specialized braces. The Taut is the one I was told to wear for everyday use and the Tupler Splint is the one I was told to wear while working out. The only times I am supposed to take off the braces are when I shower and when I'm doing the prescribed exercises so I can connect with my body and feel where I'm supposed to be breathing from or pulling in from.

Hearing that surgery was my only option killed me. But after doing some research I've read over and over again that diastasis is correctable through splinting (which provides focused support to close that gap in the outermost abdominal muscle formed during pregnancy allowing the connective tissue to heal) and the prescribed exercises. So I'm holding onto the fact that I can fix this and I'm giving it time.

Here are the three exercises I was given to start with:

1.) Spinal Massage (also known as spine torture)

I have a 4" ball that I purchased from the therapist for this exercise. You start by lying on your back (lying down and sitting up you are to start on your side and use your arms to guide you like you would when you are pregnant) and placing the ball between your shoulder blades. Place your hands behind your head and let your head and elbows hang (don't hold up like you're doing a crunch). Knees are bent with feet flat on the floor. Let your body stretch over the ball focusing on closing your rib cage and pulling your ribs back toward your spine. Hold the ball in place until the muscles start to relax (approximately 30 seconds to 1 minute) then use your legs/feet to slide the ball down your spine in 1" increments and repeat the stretching/relaxing section by section until the ball reaches your tailbone. Roll to your side to release the ball and then allow yourself to lie flat on your back and relax the spine completely. Roll to the side and use your arms to sit back up.

{ the ball I purchased from the therapist }

The next two exercises are performed seated with body weight centered over the pelvis and shoulders back. Place your hands over your belly to connect with your breathing. I sit criss cross applesauce (aka indian style) on a relatively firm pillow. My butt is on the pillow and my legs are in front of it.

2.) 30 Second Hold

Begin with a belly breath, then exhale and contract the abdominals by drawing the belly button all the way to the spine. Imagine you are touching the spine with your belly button. Hold it here and count out loud for 30 counts. Do 5 sets of this exercise per day.

3.) Repeating Transverse

This exercise starts in the same position as the 30 Second Hold, however it is a pulsed contraction. Begin with a belly breath, exhale and draw abs to your spine. This is the starting position. Hold this contraction for a count and then release the muscles halfway out. Repeat this back and forth motion. Count out loud for 50 repetitions. Do 2 sets per day.

So those are my exercises. Wash, rinse, repeat. And never miss a day. One thing I really did appreciate about this woman is that she told me it's okay to be angry about what happened to my body and mourn the loss of it. That my children and my love for them is completely separate from my feelings about my body and what the pregnancy did to me. I needed to hear that. So many people have suggested that my frustration with my PP body is PPD or an eating disorder. I needed to know that it's okay to be angry that this is the result of my pregnancy the same way I am elated that Reese and Ryan are the result of my pregnancy.

Anyway, I have NO idea when I would get an abdominoplasty or if I would get one. You can't pick up your kids for 6 weeks post surgery and then there's the recovery afterward. So I need to get past baby #3 and then get through the first year or two of his/her life before it's even an option for me. I didn't have a section, so I'm upset about having a scar on my body from the surgery and I'm terrified of having surgery altogether.

It's been very hard for me to recover as a woman - I don't feel sexy and I'm embarrassed about my body. And not only has that taken a toll on me emotionally, but it's impacted the physical parts of my marriage as well. I need to get over myself. I know I do. But it's hard.

You can read more about my experience with diastasis herehere and here

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Naked Neighbor

There are times in my life where I just lack common sense. It isn't intentional, and I don't qualify myself as an airhead, but when I tell these stories to, well, anyone they look at me in shock. Not long after we moved into our current house, Joe came home from work late at night. He came upstairs and walked into our bedroom and asked me what the hell I was doing. I said, what does it look like? I'm putting on my PJ's. To which he replied, then why are the curtains open? To which I replied, it's dark out, no one can see.

Ha. Idiot. I had no idea that when it was dark OUTside and light INside, anything happening inside becomes a veritable movie theater; consequently, I became the naked neighbor. What can I say? I grew up in a lot of apartments without a lot of windows. These weren't things I needed to know.

{ master bath windows }

When we were designing the new house, I really wanted the master bathroom to face the backyard since there is nothing behind us and we have a huge window over our tub. The layout would have created some issues and so we flip flopped the master bedroom and the master bath.

I need to come up with window treatments for this room soon or it will be virtually unusable at move in since we'd really like to avoid the whole naked neighbor issue again.

It's hard to tell how much of the window we need to cover. I think we only need to cover the bottom...but I don't want to take the chance of being topless just above the window coverings. The other factor to consider is the convenience of closing the window treatment for privacy. The tub deck is wide and so closing off the window (may?) require actually climbing into the tub. This is the only window in the bathroom, so I really don't want to cut off all of our natural light either.

I think plantation shutters or combination of shutters/shades, are the best option. But I'm reallyyyyy digging the sweeping shades in some of my inspiration photos. Here are some of the options I'm considering.

{ roman shade with plantation shutter }

{ shutter on the bottom only }

{ straight cordless shade }

{ two separate cordless shades - one per pane }

{ cafe curtains covering 3/4 of the window }

{ one sweeping roman shade }

{ plantation shutters that are the full size of the window }

{ stacked plantation shutters, allowing the top to be fully open at times }

As you can see, there is no specific pattern or direction emerging. Just a bunch of pretty pictures and any of them would work. And since I'm in full on nesting mode, I'm over-complicating this...a lot. We're totally going to end up having to shower in the kids' bathroom because I can't make up my mind. 

* all images via

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

1st Day of Preschool


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

All Natural

So maybe it's this whole 9 months in thing. Or the fact that I'm having to plan logistics for the twins if/when I should go into labor. Or that my in-laws keep asking me what my plans are (so they can get here from six hours away to help us). But I'm pretty much thinking about labor nonstop these days.

My labor with the twins was a beautiful experience. Even with all of the challenges that occurred -- the twins were labelled as IUGR at my 38 week ultrasound and faced possible NICU time, both were low on fluid. I was induced at 38 weeks, 2 days and I delivered them 22 hours later.

{ 38 weeks with the R's, on my way to my last OB appointment }

One of the things that I'm struggling with right now is how dictated my labor plan was for their birth. Having twins really limits your options (and I am one of the fortunate ones that had both kids presenting vertex and a practice that was supportive of a vaginal delivery and breech extractions, if necessary). Here was my "have to" list:
  • I had to labor at the hospital from the beginning,
  • I had to have an IV (I tested positive for Group B Strep, so it was necessary for my antibiotics and for the epidural),
  • I had to wear three monitors (and they put a spring monitor into Ryan's little head :)),
  • I had to have an epidural placed at 4-6 cm, and
  • I had to deliver in an operating room.
Lots and lots of had-to's. I came with a birth plan in hand, and whether it was a result of being in labor with twins or the fact that no one really pays attention to those things anyway, most of the stuff on the list was ignored. I found out SUNDAY NIGHT (i.e. 20 months later) from my husband that my OB cut me while Ryan's head was crowning. Just a little snip. And here I thought my request that no episiotomy take place was honored. I guess that's what happens when you can't see your crotch to know what's going on.

I was on pitocin for 14 hours before my labor started. They broke both of my waters too. Two hours later I was in incredible pain, having contractions that were 3 minutes apart and lasting 2.5-3 minutes each. No break. They came in to check me and I remember thinking, this is it I'm going to push now. When I heard I was only 4cm a wave of panic hit me. I asked the nurse how much longer it would be and when she told me that the average dilation is 1cm per hour (so I had roughly another six hours to go), I begged her to page the anesthesiologist.

Within an hour my epidural was placed and shortly thereafter I fell asleep. It was glorious, especially since I hardly slept the night before between my anxiety, fears over the twins, the fact that my mother insisted on sleeping in my hospital room and snored the whole night. Honestly I was so exhausted that I needed that break. When I woke up THREE HOURS LATER I was fully dilated and ready to go. I didn't feel a thing. They turned off my line and brought me down to the operating room where they set up for delivery. It was roughly an hour to 90 minutes later when I finally started to push.

It took 56 minutes to deliver Ryan. The beginning was confusing -- I couldn't feel the contractions so I had people pushing my legs up to my chest (holding Reese in place so I could push over her), they told me when to push and when to stop. I couldn't feel anything and I was frustrated. By the end of Ry's delivery I had started to feel the contractions more and was able to work with them. Once he was delivered they checked me and Reese was already in the birth canal. I could feel so much more by then. She was out in 2 contractions (13 minutes).

After delivering the twins I delivered both placentas at the same time, which hurt like a mofo. Whether that was because my epi was gone or because I had just delivered two humans and my vag was really tired, I have no idea. Maybe both.

While my recovery was pretty good, the first few days I struggled to walk across a room. I hated that I didn't have bladder control (from the foley) and that I didn't know when I needed to go to the bathroom. I remember standing in the shower roughly 48 hours after delivery and cleaning myself for the first time. I almost passed out and I was all alone in the bathroom and I was terrified. Why didn't I bring someone in with me? I hate the memory of feeling that out of control.

Now that I am facing delivery again I keep reflecting on how much easier it was to labor when I could actually feel what was happening. And I am strongly considering the idea of going natural. But I'm terrified. Between the memory of those pit contractions and stories of the ring of fire, I don't think I have it in me. My mind is racing these days -- "could I really feel EVERYthing or was it just a slightly less painful version of everything?" "how much of my epidural was gone?" "what if I get to the end and I change my mind and want meds and it's too late?".

So ladies, share with me your stories. If you delivered without induction, what was the experience like? Did you get an epidural? Would you get one again? Did you deliver naturally? Would you do it again?

Thanks in advance for any insight or advice.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

35/35

Before I say another word, I just want to say THANK YOU to all of the mommas out there who commented, emailed, texted or messaged me with advice, pearls of wisdom, anecdotes of camaraderie and general hugs. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Sometimes in motherhood it is easy to feel like a giant clusterf*ck failure who's surely the only one getting it wrong. It's good to know that my kids are (somewhat) normal and I'm not (entirely) a hot mess. It's also nice to not feel so freaking alone. So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. 

And now onto my buddah belly. As of today I am 35/35. Hellooooo final stretch (and ninth month)! 

{ at 34 weeks my ass decided it too was pregnant }

Crazy to think I'm thisclose to meeting LB. I feel like I've been pregnant forever, she's seriously going to come out and be a sixth grader. Singleton pregnancies are about 9 years longer than a multiples pregnancy. And I'm now convinced that an IVF pregnancy adds another two years. Seriously. Because no one is ever supposed to know that they are 3 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Most people find out when they are almost done with the hellish first trimester. Or at least at a respectable week, like 6 or 8. Only crazy people (like me) buy pregnancy sticks in bulk and pee on them 7 times a day until colors change or they are hospitalized for dehydration.

And with multiples (especially high risk ones) you see your OB/MFM/chach doctor with another acronym every 2 weeks. With this kid I went every six, then every four, then every two and I'm almost graduating to weekly appointments. I seriously forget I'm pregnant sometimes. Well...that's a lot harder now (for obvious reasons) but it was easy to forget early on.

So here I am, running the final .2 miles of this marathon. I feel pretty great. This is so much easier. I definitely think my perspective on pregnancy has shifted since I carried twins the first time around, and I know that not everyone has an easy singleton pregnancy. But by 35 weeks with the twins I couldn't walk for more than ten minutes at a time because the weight of my belly was so great. I used the motorized shopping cart at the grocery store (how embarrassing). I had outgrown all of my maternity clothes and most of Joe's regular clothes too and had to buy a few shirts to get me through to the end. I remember thinking I would surely die before I delivered.

With this kid I feel like I could run a 10K as long as I was wearing adult diapers. I'm still spinning twice a week and most days keeping up with the twinados. I've been lucky - no morning sickness, no aversions, no preterm labor scares or SCH's - this time around. My only issue was another unexplained bleed (I seem to like those when pregnant) and thankfully Lola was 100% healthy. And, as an added bonus, I found out that she had a full head of hair during that emergency ultrasound. Joe and I keep joking that she's going to come out looking like Rapunzel if her hair was that obvious so early on.


I took the kids to the beach today. We got there and it was closed for the season. So we walked to another beach about a quarter mile up from the first. When I finally unpacked all of our necessities and undressed the kids and sat down, it started to pour. I was too tired to care, so we played in the rain. Eventually it stopped raining and by then we had the whole beach to ourselves. Just me and the first loves of my life.

They chased ducks and seagulls. Ran from the loud sounds of boats. Cried at the sight of parasails. Pointed to planes in the air. We made sandcastles, they threw sand, we dunked our toes in the water and splashed. There were snacks. They bit my fingers on purpose. I got about two thousand hugs.

We have five more weeks as a family of four and then our lives will change, once again, forever. This weekend was rough, but I'm soaking it all in. Thinking about ways to make room in my heart and my lap for another tiny human. Wondering how our dynamic will change. How everything will change. I'm scared. But even more than that, I'm excited.

See you in thirty five days (or less), peanut. We can't wait to meet you.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Deep Breaths

As it turns out, both of my kids were crying. No one is going to nap. I'm calmer now. And I hate my children a little less than I did an hour ago. One of my readers sent me this. I laughed for the first time in 36 hours (thanks, Nicole).

http://thehonesttoddler.com/recipes/

p.s. My daughter is now eating Chex. In a bowl she picked out. While watching Up. It is very quiet. Thank you.


I have made a concerted effort to focus on positive things when it comes to this blog. Constantly bitching is unbecoming and frankly I don't want to look back on my life and wonder if I was really that miserable. But today I've had it.

My husband is out of town for three days for a bachelor party. I don't begrudge him of this time. He works hard to provide for our family and he deserves time off that doesn't involve me, the kids or his job. However, taking care of the twins alone for three days is a tall order. Slightly taller when you are 35 weeks pregnant.

My daughter is one meal away from being sent to live at an orphanage for a week (maybe a month?) so that perhaps she will have some perspective on how good she has it here. This wonderful place where the walls are filled with toys, an endless supply of books are at her fingertips, she is read to several times a day and she has three thoughtfully prepared meals placed before her. A place where she is doted on and loved tremendously. Yes, perhaps a month away would be better than a week.

We are in toddler eating hell. And I do mean hell. This phase is making me regret having children. Making me fearful of the child I am about to deliver because surely, at some point in the future, she will stomp on my last nerve. The only nerve that her siblings haven't already destroyed and I will end up in the nut hut.

My children went from eating wonderfully and trying new things readily to locking their lips, gritting their teeth, throwing full on tantrums at the table (at times) merely over the food that has been put on their plate. Forget what happens if we try to put the food in their mouths. There are times that we're able to get our fingers past the fortress that is their lips, teeth and tongue to get the food inside and voila! they realize that it actually tastes good. Or it is something they actually ENJOY eating. By this point, my nerves are frayed, my own meal is destroyed and I am generally on the verge of tears. I. cannot. continue. to. do. this.

My darling son, lest Reese take all the heat, recently choked for the first time. The kid was really hungry, not chewing properly, choked on a chunk of his meal, got scared and took a deep breath and the food actually got stuck in his windpipe. Thankfully Joe realized immediately what had happened, swept the back of his throat with his finger and removed the food from his airway. We held him and hugged him, terrified at the thought of what might have happened. Last night, he scared the shit out of me pretending to gag on his dinner. He did this three separate times. He did this to delineate the point that he did not enjoy the meal I so carefully prepared for him.

Today I heated up homemade calzones for the kids. They've eaten (devoured) these multiple times in the past. While I was preparing lunch Reese handed me some peas that she found in the pantry, she even said "peas". So I decided to make that part of their lunch as well. Why not? As long as they eat happily.

I put them into their highchairs and filled their plates. Each of them kicked off the table sending the table flying in one direction and their chairs flying in another. I pulled Ryan back to the table and he began to eat. Good. Moving on, I thought. I pulled Reese back up and she kicked off the table again sending Ryan's plate flying, food is now all over my floor. I cut him up fresh pieces of calzone since his were now covered in dog hair. By the way, having a large, furry, shedding dog that you also have to take care of and exercise when you have kids is a terrible idea. Anyway, I pulled her up to the table a third time. This is when she started to hyperventilate. Some combination of tears, snot bubbles, screeching and dramatic hand movements.

Frantic over a child that had barely eaten breakfast and now was clearly not eating lunch, I started to wrack my brain about what to give her. She loves juice. I limit her to one cup per day in the morning. But the kid loves it. So I came up with a brilliant idea. I'll make her a fruit smoothie and hide some spinach in it. It tasted like strawberry ice cream when I was done. She calmed down. We wiped her tears and snot and drool. She snatched the cup out of my hand took one sip and shoved it back into my hands, letting the contents of her mouth dribble down her chin and onto her chest. I let her sit there and cry some more while I attempted to clean up the collateral damage and compose myself.

I gave up. I decided that I just needed to feed her whatever she would eat, so I could put her down for a nap, so I could clean up my now leveled kitchen, so I could sit for perhaps a half hour and eat a meal myself before we started on the adventure that will be our evening together.

I hugged her. I sat in front of her and wiped her snot and tears. I implored her to tell me what she wanted to eat. I told her "just tell me and I'll give it to you" she understands this. I know she does. And she can say several foods that she eats regularly. So I sat there consoling my crying baby while pleading: Apple? Peach? Banana? Yogurt? Water? Juice? Cracker?

And after several minutes of this pleading, she finally pointed to something. Thank god. The kid pointed to something. I took a long breath, lifted her out of her high chair and carried her to the kitchen island toward where she was pointing. I crouched down so she could reach the counter and she leaned over...and proceeded to pick up a pair of sunglasses. I almost threw her.

Meanwhile, by this point Ryan had thrown calzone on my floor and mashed peas into my table. The floor that I already got down on my hands and knees to clean last night and again this morning. The table which was spotless prior to their meal. Food everywhere. My sink piled with dishes. My nerves shot. I cleaned them and put them down for their naps. And set about at least loading the dishwasher before I sat down to compose this post.

I haven't showered today. I haven't eaten. And now I must stop writing because my son is losing his goddamned mind in his crib because he fell asleep for fourteen minutes on our walk this morning and now he will not nap. So I will have to entertain him, while trying to clean up the rest of this dreadful mess.

Perhaps sometime today my house will be clean. My nerves will be calm. And I will stop crying.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Learning Towers for the Sprouts

After briefly mentioning learning towers in this post, I came across this pin on Pinterest. My husband would call that coincidence; I call it kismet. Especially since learning towers are over $100 retail and as much as I'd like to pretend that the twins would happily share and stand nicely together, I know that it would turn into baby cage fighting at some point during an activity.


We're not particularly handy DIY'ers but some of these projects look really easy, and they definitely appeal to my cheap resourceful side. I think this could be a good project for us to take on this fall, after the dust settles, in time for the kids' 2nd birthday. Plus, I love that I can pick a really fun color to paint them.

We've only tackled one other Ana White project. It was as inexpensive as it promised to be. And I think it would have been easy(ier) if we would have followed the directions. But our space was smaller and I didn't want drawers, so we modified this desk for our space.


Of course since I'm mathematically challenged and didn't anticipate other changes that would need to occur with the size changing, there were a few things that created build issues for us once Joe started assembling the pieces. All in all the mistakes only took an extra hour to work around and the desk is pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. It's basic, but it gave me a quiet space to do my freelance work behind closed doors. I think it cost us around $65 to build, which was about all I was willing to spend. Prior to the desk I just sat on our bed and worked, and I was willing to deal with carpal tunnel and losing pens in our duvet if it meant saving us any further expense.

Has anyone ever built a project from Ana White? How did it go? I need to convince Joe that this will be easy and fun for us to do together. I can sense his excitement already.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Finishing Details

We close on the new house in just under eight weeks. I'm begging our builder to get that timeline down to seven so that Joe is still on paternity leave when we close. It would be so much easier to move with him around to help.

The next several weeks are all about finishing work -- cabinets, countertops, floors, trim, built-ins, lighting, plumbing, hardware. I've been excited over every piece of drywall and every inch of fiberglass to date, but my builder keeps telling me this is where it really gets fun.

We went up to the house on Friday to take some progress pictures, it's amazing how much is done already. I can't believe we get to move here in just two short months. And, even more so, I can't believe I get to live here and raise my children here. We feel so fortunate and blessed, to say the least.



{ my little loves }

{ mudroom, garage entry, pantry, closet and laundry room }

{ great room from kitchen with kids' playroom on the left }

{ the start of built ins }

{ the girls' room } 

{ girls' side of the jack and jill bath }

{ Ryan's room }

{ guest bedroom }

{ guest bath }

{ master bedroom}

{ master bath }

The house is running about a month ahead of schedule. This week kicks off our 15th week building (from the time we broke ground). Amazing how much has gotten done already. I think the cabinetry will be installed by the end of this week, which is probably the thing I'm most excited for right now. I am anxious too. I had weird dreams all weekend about the cabinets being installed and crumbling, or arriving at the house and finding out they were all installed upside down. Really weird stuff. I have odd dreams when I'm pregnant anyway, but some of these are out there. Fingers crossed they go in right side up :) Happy Labor Day!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Waking up too early

I'll make you strawberry pancakes, pretend like it's the weekend now. Well, it is the weekend, but Joe is on call which means that it may as well be a Tuesday. I started off the morning with this strawberry pancake recipe and I will never buy pancake mix again. Ever.


As a family, we're moving away from the grocery store more and more. I've found local resources for dairy and meat and our farmer's market is stocked with all of the fruit and produce we need. We have a few green grocers that have bulk dry goods and I'm trying to navigate the world of understanding flours and grains. I want to learn more about preserving food. As it is, I'm so sad that we only have a few bags of strawberries left in the freezer from our berry picking adventure.

Our farm offered up an opportunity to go raspberry picking in late August and after the kids went nuts over strawberries in June I jumped on the chance to take them. My kids rarely eat raspberries, but the ability to pick them off the bushes blew them away. They probably ate two pints. I joked with the farmers that they should have weighed my kids before and after we picked so that we could have paid our fair share.

A few weeks ago I took a sewing class from a woman opening up a small business out of an old rectory who plans to teach home ec-based classes within the community (find out more about her courses here). Our CSA Coordinator left her position with our farm to focus on her work with From Scratch Club, an organization dedicated to sustainable, local living. And while looking at course offerings through FSC, I stumbled upon a bevy of culinary arts programs through a local arts center (some of the courses are a perfect option for date night).

There seems to be a growing trend toward getting back to the basics and living closer to home. My kids eat more when I use fresh ingredients and make their food from scratch. I've tried so many times to get them to eat mac and cheese (they love mac, they love cheese -- should be a no brainer!) but the only time they'll eat it is when I make my own sauce. And who can blame them, this tastes so much better and cooks in the same amount of time.

Rebekah, from Wild Ink Press, just posted a recipe for homemade pasta with a roasted tomato sauce. How good does that look? I remember being a little girl and going to my Great Aunt Blanche's house and seeing pasta drying all over the place. Literally on tables, furniture, kitchen counters. She'd have to move pasta so you could sit down and I thought this was SO weird. Now I wish I would have asked her to teach me her secrets.

The new house has a sunroom that will double as a playroom for the kids. It's all windows, with southern exposure. I cannot wait to teach the kids about plants and start seedlings for our garden with them this Spring. We have a hill on our property up away from the house that is going to be perfect for raised planter beds. Grace, from Finley and Oliver, graciously posted information on her (spectacular) raised planters earlier this year and I've had it bookmarked ever since.


Puff has shown so much interest in the kitchen and every chance I get I let her climb up on a chair and help me. A fun side effect to doing so much at home cooking is their involvement in our meals. I saw these learning ladders and I'm thinking it has Christmas or 2nd Birthday written all over it. Seriously though, is there anything sweeter than a toddler helping in the kitchen?


Engaging the kids in our meals and actually having them eat (rather than throw) what we make has been an amazing, but unexpected, side effect of our shift to local food and home cooking. 

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